Quotes About Behavior

the inappropriate use of what we can call "punishment time-outs" frequently just makes children angrier and more dysregulated, leaving them even less able to control themselves or think about what they've done.

Effective discipline means that we're not only stopping a bad behavior or promoting a good one, but also teaching skills and nurturing the connections in our children's brains that will help them make better decisions and handle themselves well in the future. Automatically. Because that's how their brains will have been wired.

What lesson do I want to teach in this moment? Again, the goal of discipline isn't to give a consequence. We want to teach a lesson—whether it's about self-control, the importance of sharing, acting responsibly, or anything else.

parenting matters, even to the extent of influencing our inborn and genetically shaped temperament.

Our kids don't usually lash out at us because they're simply rude, or because we're failures as parents. They usually lash out because they don't yet have the capacity to regulate their emotional states and control their impulses.

when your seven-year-old becomes defiant and calls you "Fart-face Jones" after you tell him it's time to leave his playdate, he's actually saying, "I need skill building when it comes to handling myself well and communicating my disappointment respectfully when I don't get my way." By misbehaving, kids actually communicate to us what they need to be working on—what has not yet been developed or what specific skills they need practice with.

A parent who recognizes an upstairs tantrum is left with one clear response: never negotiate with a terrorist. An upstairs tantrum calls for firm boundaries and a clear discussion about appropriate and inappropriate behavior.

How we respond to our children when we're not happy with their choices—with loving guidance? with irritation and criticism? with fury and a shaming outburst?—will impact the development of our relationship with them, and even their own sense of self.

mindsight permite que seamos conscientes de nuestros procesos mentales sin vernos arrastrados por ellos; que nos liberemos del automatismo de las conductas arraigadas y de las respuestas rutinarias, y que rompamos los ciclos emocionales reactivos en los que tendemos a quedarnos atrapados.

Pero recuerda, el comportamiento es comunicación. Y un comportamiento problemático es, en realidad, un mensaje de nuestros hijos: «Necesito ayuda para desarrollar mi capacidad en este aspecto concreto. Todavía soy incapaz de hacerlo bien.»

Let's begin with the actual goal of discipline. When your child misbehaves, what do you want to accomplish? Are

passive victim stance and for others may be an active angrily fighting back state.

each of us have tendencies derived from both our temperament and our accumulated experiences, we may also have a set of proclivities in how we live in the world as well. This

El primer paso de la disciplina es prestar atención a las emociones de los niños. Cuando los niños se portan mal, suele deberse a que no manejan bien sus sentimientos fuertes y a que aún no cuentan con las destrezas necesarias para tomar buenas decisiones. Así pues, estar atento a la experiencia emocional que subyace a una conducta es tan importante como fijarse en la conducta misma.

queremos ayudarles a estar preparados para aprender, hay que conectar con ellos. Antes de redirigir su conducta, hay que conectar y consolar. Si los calmamos cuando se hacen alguna herida física, también hemos de ayudarles cuando están emocionalmente trastornados. Y lo haremos validando sus sentimientos y dándoles muchísima empatía enriquecedora. Antes de enseñar, hemos de conectar.

Después de conectar, redirigimos. En cuanto hayan sentido esta conexión con nosotros, los niños estarán más preparados para aprender, por lo que podremos redirigirlos con eficacia y hablar con ellos acerca de su conducta. ¿Qué esperamos conseguir cuando redirigimos y fijamos límites? Queremos que los niños adquieran percepción de sí mismos, empatía hacia los demás y capacidad para solventar las cosas tras haber cometido un error.

Indeed, there is evidence that people are more likely to be influenced by empty persuasive messages, such as commercials, when they are tired and depleted.

if you have had to force yourself to do something, you are less willing or less able to exert self-control when the next challenge comes around. The phenomenon has been named ego depletion.

Mood evidently affects the operation of System 1: when we are uncomfortable and unhappy, we lose touch with our intuition.

People who are cognitively busy are also more likely to make selfish choices, use sexist language, and make superficial judgments in social situations.

System 1 continuously generates suggestions for System 2: impressions, intuitions, intentions, and feelings. If endorsed by System 2, impressions and intuitions turn into beliefs, and impulses turn into voluntary actions. When all goes smoothly, which is most of the time, System 2 adopts the suggestions of System 1 with little or no modification.

First, people are generally rational, and their thinking is normally sound. Second, emotions such as fear, affection, and hatred explain most of the occasions on which people depart from rationality.

Loss aversion is a powerful conservative force that favors minimal changes from the status quo

The law (of least effort) asserts that if there are several ways of achieving the same goal, people will eventually gravitate to the least demanding course of action. In the economy of action, effort is a cost, and the acquisition of skill is driven by the balance of benefits and costs. Laziness is built deep into our nature.