Quotes About Trust

Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off.

Husbands are chiefly good as lovers when they are betraying their wives.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Watch out for a man whose enemies keep disappearing.

The really important things are said over cocktails and are never done.

An honest politician is an oxymoron.

You never realize a dog is a man's best friend until you start betting on horses.

What about a compromise? I'll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I'll apologize.

There's a fine line between support and stalking and let's all stay on the right side of that.

But Piglet is so small that he slips into a pocket, where it is very comfortable to feel him when you are not quite sure whether twice seven is twelve or twenty-two.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.

Do I think faith will be an important part of being a good president? Yes, I do.

When you're certain you cannot be fooled, you become easy to fool.

Every rascal is not a thief, but every thief is a rascal.

Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies.

I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore. I get the roundabout AIDS test. I ask my friend Brian, "Do you know anybody who has AIDS?". He says, "No". I say, "Cool, because you know me."

Seeing is believing to most families who have lived with a drinker.

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.