Quotes About Humor

The irony of life is that no one gets out of it alive

Unfortunately, ..., all too often a joke tells the truth.

When I cry. I am funny looking. My face looks like pork sausage before its cooked. Are yeah rollin over that one now or what . . . Well I've got to close so . . . 4-now Love Lee

Captain Oveur Joey, do you like movies about gladiators

Rumack Yes I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.

Steve McCroskey Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue

I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.

Sir, if someone took a Buddhist holy book and flushed it down my toilet, the first thing I would do is call a plumber!

Daiyu and his pianist wife, Mariko, had met at the university and married for love. Their standing joke was that someday when they were old and gray they would spend a leisurely day together, and maybe even go out to dinner.

So when my mother expressed her concern to me, I laughed it away, saying, "People who talk about dying don't die.

Gohan...Is that sunburn or are you blushing?

Oh I get it. Krillian, you have a crush on Android Eighteen!

If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.

Well, a lot of politics is communicating with people, and obviously comedy has something to do with that. I've been a producer and led people. Also, being a comedian, you're under pressure.

And I think that being able to make people laugh and write a book that's funny makes the information go down a lot easier and it makes it a lot more fun to read, easier to understand, and often stronger. So there's all kinds of advantages to it.

Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate--if I want to!

I'm not going to write stuff like, "Mitch McConnell and I may disagree, but when we're off the clock, we're the best of friends—sometimes we go to dinner and Mitch will laugh so hard that milk shoots out of his nose." No, I'm not going to be writing clichés like that. Instead

There are three things that are real: God, human folly, and laughter. The first two are beyond our comprehension. So we must do what we can with the third. —John F. Kennedy

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.

Remember, half the doctors in this country graduated in the bottom half of their class.

Whenever I feel the urge to exercise, I lie down and nap until the urge passes.

Whenever I feel the urge to exercise, I lie down and take a nap instead.

With a name like Smucker's, it has to be good." Most companies, especially family companies, would never make fun of their own name. Yet the Smucker family did, which is one reason why Smucker's is the No.1 brand of jams and jellies. If your name is bad, you have two choices: change the name or make fun of it.

Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.