Quotes About Humor

A lot of people who look at my photographs think it is an easy joke, but it does take a bit of thinking about.

It's like those high-school yearbook photos that everyone would rather not see: Oh my God, look at that mullet hair. I have those photos too, but for me, they're, like, entire movies. And they show them on cable.

I go up to people and ask if I can use them in my photos. Occasionally it is the person in question, as happened with James Hewitt. How embarrassing. He just laughed and said, 'You can't afford me.'

Some people look at my photos and think maybe I'm feeling frazzled, but I really want to tell them I'm just having a bad hair day!

For memes, I have an entire iPhone folder of photos that I've taken or saved because I find something about them hilarious.

I once hosted the Butcher Shop of the Year Awards. There's nothing like performing to the personification of the phrase a 'sausage fest' to hammer home how you've hit the big time.

I think it would be funny for people to read in obituaries of me that my major contribution to the arts was the popularization of the phrases 'neutral facial expression' and 'screaming in agony.'

I would love to do a comedy, and I think physical comedy is something I probably have a knack on.

Sometimes laughing isn't the best judge of what's funny, 'cause I think there's a lot of things that are really funny that don't make you laugh, that don't make you physically, audibly make a noise, but is something that is much more powerful than that.

As a woman, I have access to hit women in a way that men might not be able to hit them with jokes. I don't mean physically hit. But you know, because I'm a woman, I can say things about women because I know what it's like to be a woman, if that makes any sense.

I got to the stage where I physically couldn't carry on unless I gave comedy a go: it was necessity.

I didn't get this physique by not eating tacos.

I changed it to Leslie Hill, only that seemed more like a cocktail pianist. Eventually, being an admirer of Jack Benny, I took his name.

There were two things I used to do to seduce girls: jokes and music. Since I'm not a great pianist, jokes were my thing.

I used to be a very serious pianist, and I was one of the snot-nosed classical ones who was appalled by nightmares of Ethel Merman and trombones blasting in the background and who knows what else.

The piano has been drinking, not me.

If there's two things I will never do, it would be grow a beard and pick up the uke again.

I actually have to pick and chose stuff that I know I'm going to bomb at.

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.

I have 40 years of unpublished material, the ones they don't pick, and the reason I don't redraw them or use them again is that I like to use my brain every day and come up with new jokes.

I tend to pick on the people I'm closest with because I know they know it's not personal.

I made sure that instead of people making fun of me, like every comedian probably says, I made fun of myself first so they would get distracted and just laugh. I was pretty brutally picked on for a while growing up. It was always the really pretty girls, the hot girls and then there was me. So I had to do something to get any sort of attention.

I kiss grandmas because they're clean. I haven't picked anything up from a grandma yet.

Once Clinton won, I started picking on him.