Quotes About Humor

If I had to describe myself to an alien I'd say I was bigger than the average human, enjoy a drink or two with a good meal and have a bigger head than most. I'd also say I'm really handsome - especially if they were a female alien.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

If at any moment of the day I ever think I'm remotely cool at all, which is hardly ever, I have two daughters who make sure that never happens.

If Fay has twins, she'll probably have two pacs. Get it? Tu... Pac's.

I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

The dog has got more fun out of Man than Man has got out of the dog, for the clearly demonstrable reason that Man is the more laughable of the two animals.

I have a face that is a cross between two pounds of halibut and an explosion in an old clothes closet.

If somebody tells you that you have ears like a donkey, pay no attention. But if two people tell you so, buy yourself a saddle.

It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are.

I've been recognised in garages. I'll be paying for my petrol, and I'll see this guy looking at me, thinking, 'Is it him?' Then he'll be looking at my car: 'No, he couldn't be driving that car.' I've actually had two people say to me:,'Hello Dominic, I thought you might have a better car than that, mate!'

In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying; you want to project your jokes into their face.

The trick is always to write in pairs because if at least two people find it funny, you've immediately halved the odds of it not being funny.

Sean is so funny. One time he went to Ireland for two weeks with his mother, and Ireland is so beautiful, and he got back; we were like, 'How was it?' and he was like, 'Ugh I was so bored.'

Atkins - I was on that for two weeks. All I lost was 14 days.

I think, in a comedy, it's easy to play people as very two-dimensional. But what is enjoyable to watch is seeing a more fully rounded person.

I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other.

I know it's corny, but laughter is a two-way gift, and hearing people laugh just warms me through and through.

I am the luckiest old broad on two feet if the truth were known. It's - but it all goes back to 'Mary Tyler Moore,' 'Golden Girls,' all those - actors love to take the credit. We couldn't do it without the writers.

Jesse Tyler Ferguson is probably one of the funniest people I've ever met in my life. Everything the kid does is funny. I think he tunes his life to being funny.

One day, my twin sister Sidra and I pranked Tyler Perry on the set of 'For Better or Worse.' I made her dress up as me and do a scene as if she were my character Angela. Tyler says, 'Action!' and my sister starts acting. It was horrible.

Every black film feels like it's Tyler Perry, and that just needs to stop. But people seem to slowly be looking for what else is out there - 'Is there something else besides this type of humor?' 'I'm tired of seeing men in dresses.'

My favorite movies were 'Singin' in the Rain' and stuff that had a more classic comedy type feel, that more slapsticky stuff. It's the comedy I've gravitated towards.

He is so old that his blood type was discontinued.