Quotes About Humor

So many stars who have shows are intimidated by having people around them be funnier than them. It's always the unsuccessful ones. Look at Seinfeld - he's great because he let everyone be hilarious.

Stand-up is successful if they laugh. It's unsuccessful if they don't laugh.

I was against gay marriage until I realized I didn't have to get one.

When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I will do comedy until the day I die: inappropriate comedy, funny comedy, gender-bending, twisting comedy, whatever comedy is out there.

Do unto others, then run.

I modeled myself after Deborah Kerr for her romantic, untouched quality; Ingrid Bergman for her strength; and Kay Kendall for her wonderful sense of humor.

When I say something untrue on the air, I mean for it to be transparently untrue. I assume people know when I'm just saying something for effect. Or to be funny.

There was a story saying I didn't like contemporary comedians, but it's completely untrue - a lot of them are very dear friends of mine.

While it is entirely untrue that Canadians lack a sense of humour, the funniest ones tend to head south: Dan Aykroyd, Jim Carrey, Michael J. Fox.

I suppose I shouldn't go around admitting I speak untruths on the radio. When I say something untrue on the air, I mean for it to be transparently untrue. I assume people know when I'm just saying something for effect. Or to be funny.

Laughter relieves us of superfluous energy, which, if it remained unused, might become negative, that is, poison. Laughter is the antidote.

If you like quick put-downs and aggressive interactions with the audience, you will probably not enjoy the rambles of an unusual character act making jokes about cats for an hour.

I am an unusual Irishman. I'm probably Ireland's third most famous Jewish son.

Every funny story has at least one unusual thing in it.

It's very rare and unusual to see a female comic perform pregnant.

Sometimes, if I really just need to unwind and kind of watch something that isn't gonna stress me out or have drama in it, I watch 'Spongebob.'

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

I've always been the locker-room jokester, the fun guy, the guy who keeps it loose and easy. But also, on Sundays, the guy in that huddle jumping up and down, telling guys, 'Hey, get it going. Let's go.' Firing everybody up. So I'm part relaxation therapist and part Red Bull.

They don't make you pay for the humor. It's up and down, but they're trying to give you as many laughs as possible in 2 minutes. They are the most honest comedians ever.