Quotes About Humor

If you want a man who's commited, go look in a mental hospital.

Embrace your sense of humour, don't ever take yourself too seriously, every day is another chance to laugh instead of cry, and when nothing is certain, everything is a hell of a lot less scary when you make fun of it. Amen.

But that's one of the good things about getting older: often the most terrible of things turn into the most amusing through the lens of time.

When things are at their worst, Scarlett, the only thing to do is find something to laugh about. It keeps you sane… and it stops your teeth chattering from fear.

Be positive and laugh at everything.

I've accentuated the look over the years. As a comic, you try something and if it works you go with it and grind it to death.

As a comic, you try something and if it works you go with it and grind it to death.

Pete couldn't believe how sanctimonious somebody could be just because they'd once had a soldering iron stuck up their arse.

The most embarrassing thing a human being can experience is when they spam a sentence and accidently say ''v'' whilst attempting to paste the sentance.

Turning on Airplane Mode on your phone DOES NOT make you fly!

It was enough to know that once they reached his place, she was his for another night. Every inch of his body liked that idea—especially certain inches that were definitely making their demands known right now. If he spent much more time in Lena's company, he was going to have to buy looser jeans to keep from causing permanent damage to himself. He'd love to see the expression on her face if he were to tell her that one. Maybe he would later, just to hear her laugh.

Americans and British have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator,' we say 'lift' ... they say 'President,' we say 'stupid psychopathic git.'

Try walking a mile in your enemy's shoes. You'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes.

Alfred E. Neuman

Alfred E. Neuman

2 years ago I couldn't even spell Graduate and not I are one!

I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'

My dad's a Jew, and my mom's a WASP, so that should pretty much say it all. It was a comically dysfunctional family.

I'm not interested in babies at all. Babies to me are like wasps: pointless, irritating and even one can ruin a picnic. They're just not my bag at all.

I could draw Bloom County with my nose and pay my cleaning lady to write it, and I'd bet I wouldn't lose 10% of my papers over the next twenty years. Such is the nature of comic-strips. Once established, their half-life is usually more than nuclear waste.

Such is the nature of comic strips. Once established, their half-life is usually more than nuclear waste. Typically, the end result is lazy, rich cartoonists.

I didn't even learn to play guitar until the movie 'Walk Hard,' which is probably fortunate because maybe I would have pursued it, and that would have been a waste of my time.

Apparently it's cool to watch The Daily Show.

I have a fascination for cartoons. No matter how many times 'Tom and Jerry' fall, you never complain, and watch it again.