Quotes About Humor

There's an assumption that my audience is all these bearded twats from Dalston. But actually, quite a lot of older people go. For them, it's like pre-alternative comedy, when there was Dave Allen or Jackie Mason or someone. Also, weirdly, because I don't really swear, they're not scared off.

I've been in 30 car crashes, none of 'em my fault, I swear on a stack of midgets... OK, they were probably all my fault.

I swear on my mum's life, I've never done a day's exercise.

In all my content I don't really swear or use profanity, because I believe comedy can just be pure.

Making comedies, you end up knowing people that you would swear would be the funnest people ever in the whole world. And they're not. They're really mean and depressed and hideous people.

My mom was really good at swearing growing up.

I briefly considered doing Edgar Allan Poe and just swearing a lot.

The biggest problem of all is that it's very difficult to tell my daughter, 'Swearing is not clever or funny,' because I earn a living by swearing.

I'd rather get a good clean laugh with good material, than an easy laugh by swearing or shocking. That's not clever or comedic, anybody can get a laugh that way, it's too easy.

I just like swearing and being cheeky.

Vig used to call me 'Elf boy', and I'd call him 'filthy human'. As an Elf, I never got a scratch on me, never got dirty. And Vig would come out with blood and sweat all over him. And he'd say to me, 'Oh, go manicure your nails.'

The reason most people sweat is so they will not catch fire while they are making love.

I don't want anyone to get seriously hurt. But I do watch awards shows to critique the clothes while I sit around eating chips in my sweat pants and in hopes of seeing some hilarious accidental nudity.

I'd love to be 'People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive, but I think that that's a ways off. I have to stop wearing sweat pants, and then we'll work on that.

H. Jon Benjamin

I was Sweater Queen at Bowling Green State University. Oh, that's a laugh, isn't it?

My high school girlfriend would ask if I finally learned how to unbutton the back of a sweater!

I think the premises of my comedy are Cosby-esque, but I don't come out with a sweater. I come out with a Metallica shirt.

For years, I stored my sweaters in the oven.

I love sketch; it's my favorite form. But if it's all improv, they're either very good, and it's annoying how good they are, and it makes you feel bad, or they're not too good; then you're sweating for them.

I am allergic to sweating. Seriously I get in shape by lying down.

I've definitely had my share of calls where I just laugh. Someone came to me once and wanted to do a signature Hawk cologne. I was like, 'Of what? Sweaty pads? Am I wringing out my pads into a little perfume bottle?'

Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.

We learn to laugh from the cultures that suffered most - from the Russians, Poles, and Irish - not from Sweden or France (the French go for Jerry Lewis - enough said).