Quotes About Humor

Dear God, I understand that if I fail to believe in you, I'll burn in hell for eternity. Thanks for being such a good sport about it.

Misery makes sport to mock itself.

I hope the car they (Sport Magazine who awarded it to the World Series MVP) give him (Brooks Robinson) has an extra large glove box.

George Carlin, Brain Droppings

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

They X-rayed my head and found nothing.

Go jogging? And get hit by a meteor?

When I see joggers go by I shout "Jim Fixx is dead. Fats Domino lives!"

I asked my instructor how I could cut ten strokes off my score. He told me to quit on hole 17!

I get confused with all the rules in golf. Let's say you're playing in L.A. and your ball lands on a dead body. Is your relief one or two club lengths?

I don't say my golf game is bad but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.

I used to want to shoot my age. Now I would just like to shoot my temperature.

What a terrible round. I only hit two good balls all day and that was when I stepped on a rake in a bunker.

He spends so much time in the sand trap you'd think he was in the cast of Baywatcb.

Don't wish me happiness - I don't expect to be happy it's gotten beyond that, somehow. Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor - I will need them all.

I was never one of those girls who dreamt of Prince Charming. To piss off my mom, I would say, 'I'm never having kids and I'm going to be a fabulously rich old maid with cute butlers and dogs.'

I make a lot of jokes about vegetarians in my act but most of them don't have the strength to protest.

Lynn smacks Uriah hard in the back of the head, Christina says, "Hey Tris!" and Uriah cries, "Ow! How on earth do you make a pillow hurt, Lynn?" "My exceptional strength," she says.

I've been doing a lot of drama, but I feel like comedy is my strength.

Love, like a sense of humor, is now claimed by everyone even though Love, like a sense of humor, is rather more rare than not, and to most of us poor muddlers unbearable at full strength.

The biggest strength is being able to have perspective. Get the distance, and it enables you to be able to laugh at yourself.

Make jokes. No stress. Love. Live Life. Proceed. Progress.

Relieve stress through hysterical screaming.

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy.