Quotes About Humor

When I'd asked her about what she might like to happen after she died, she said, "I plan to die on trash night, so I can be put out in a Hefty bag." Also, she was a cheapskate: She disapproved of spending on the dead what could go to the living.

At that moment I felt so ruined by life that I couldn't imagine it ever getting worse, which just shows that my sense of humor was slightly more durable than my imagination.

Ah, the ancient language of sarcasm. How it suits you." "Why thank you, petal. It is one of my many talents, and I happen to be fluent in the language." I dazzled him with my smile. "You need to give me a manly nickname." "You haven't given me any reason to give you one yet." "That's harsh.

Killing me still on the agenda, tough girl?" I walked over to the desk. "Yup, right here next to buy Brendan a leash." "Glad to know you have a sense of humour." "I wasn't joking." I mumbled, knowing he would be able to hear me.

The corners of his lips picked up. "You really didn't know I've been following you for the last five weeks?" Yeah, please feel free to make me feel stupid for that, Ken doll. I shook my head. "Well, of course not, because if you knew someone was watching you, you probably wouldn't have given yourself a spanking on the roof." And just like that, the man turned the humour back on. Weird. - Chapter 3: Heather and Brendan

I'M NEVER BORED ... I've got a clitoris ;-)

My full name is Lauren Lee Smith. Of all the names I could have been given, that's the one I got. Lauren Lee Smith. It has all the personality of a toaster.

Okay, I guess you can come in." "Um, Hannah, you have to, you know, open the front door so I can actually come in." "I thought you were going to - you're standing under my window. Aren't you supposed to climb up here or something?" "My ladder's at home. Also, you call throwing rocks at your window clichéd?

He kept talking and I thought about taking my copy of Huckleberry Finn and stuffing it in his mouth so he'd shut up.

Oh, and he groped your face. Sounds like true love to me.' 'He didn't grope my face. We were talking. And he also bought me animal crackers. I like them.' 'You also bitched about them not being in the vending machine for a week. Everyone in the building knows you like animal crackers.' 'I don't see you bringing me any.' 'Do you want me to?

Hadrian finds a man scratching his back against a post in the public baths and donates a slave to perform the duty for him, and money to keep him; on his next visit the emperor finds a whole group of old men hopefully rubbing their backs on posts, and confounds them by genially suggesting that they scratch each other.

The always suspicious Tiberius was given an enormous fish and promptly beat the fisherman about the face with it. The fisherman, in thoughtless simplicity, responded with the comment that he was glad he hadn't given the emperor the oversize lobster he had also collected.

Stop smelling me," she said to him.

Looking back, I imagine that I was very odd, that I spoke too loudly, or that I said nothing when things of popular culture were mentioned; I think I responded strangely to ordinary types of humor that were unknown to me. I think I didn't understand the concept of irony at all, and that confused people. When I first met my husband William, I felt—and it was a surprise—that he really did understand something in me.

There was a young lady named Bright,Whose speed was far faster than light;She set out one dayIn a relative way,And returned home the previous night.

In the pun, two strings of thought are tangled into one acoustic knot.

Then you may have sheer clotted nonsense; I once chased Julius Caesar all over London to get his recipe for curried eggs.

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Lebensklugheit bedeutet: Alle Dinge möglichst wichtig, aber keines völlig ernst zu nehmen.

Every nation ridicules other nations -- and all are right.

A sense of humour is the only divine quality of man

The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it.

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

Asked in 1919 whether it was true that only three people in the world understood the theory of general relativity, [Eddington] allegedly replied: 'Who's the third?