Quotes About Humor

Well, have you a tongue in your head?' 'I have,' responded Hugo, 'but I was never one to give my head for washing.' 'You're not such a fool as you look,' commented his lordship.

Whatever should I do if Mama were to arrive while you are gone?' 'Hide in the hay-loft!' he recommended. 'But if she has a particle of commonsense she won't make the smallest push to recover you!

Ay, and what do you think he was doing when I walked in? Reading poetry to her! What a booberkin! I can tell you this, my boy: in my day we'd more rumgumption than to bore a pretty woman into a lethargy!

Well, I've never written a line of poetry in my life: it is not my way! But if I *did* write about you I shouldn't call you a paltry daffodil! I should liken you to a rose--one of those yellow ones, with a deep golden heart, and a sweet scent! said Sir Bonamy, warming to the theme. Nonsense! she said briskly. You would be very much more likely to call me a plump partridge, or a Spanish fritter!

Just because I cut a lark with that stiff-rumped Exciseman you seem to think I'm as good as rope-ripe!

Oh, Kit, don't joke me! I am going distracted !

It didn't last. She read a bit in some evening paper about proper dieting, and she's gone all lettucey. Nuts, too. That's why I'm here. There's a filthy beverage you drink for breakfast instead of coffee. I thought not, so I cleared out.

All right, I thought you specialized in Labradors.' 'You spaniel men think that when God had created the springer and its near relatives he should have knocked off for a dirty weekend.

How can you think of cheesecake now?" Daisy asked. "I can always think of cheesecake," said Aunt Judy. "Me too," chimed in Benny. Aunt

I think some horse snot flew out and landed on me," yelled Benny. A

Violet looked over at Grandfather. "You're right," she said. "She is a great singer. Even better than she sounds in her kitchen singing about cows and soup." Grandfather

Why would anyone steal a menu?

then again, they might not! Here's something funny. A strange man came here last summer and he gave Mr. Moss ten dollars for an old quarter.

into TROUBLE AT THE LITTLE VILLAGE SCHOOL

He could send a glass eye to sleep.

People are either funny or they're not, and you can't teach that - but you can teach people to work together to make an idea better.

A lot of critics object to what I do, but I got into comedy to make people laugh, and I've always worked hard.

When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.

One night, I was really beat; we worked really late and went to get food at some takeout place. And I leaned over against this gumball machine, just exhausted, and there was a SpongeBob looking back at me. And it's just, like, 'Oh, brother.'

I think we've all worked with that person at the office who takes themselves and their job so seriously.

I tried for a while to be an agricultural worker and was hopelessly bored. I would stand around in heaps of manure and sing about the beauty of the work I wasn't doing.

I love radio and have done a little bit for years - since 'Workers' Playtime' in the 1950s. It's also a good springboard for comedians.

In 'Night Court,' my name is still Harry, and I'm - my best friends are still three-card monte workers, and I still have spring snakes hidden everywhere and joy buzzers, but I'm the judge.

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.