Quotes About Misunderstanding

Unless in communicating with it one says exactly what one means, trouble is bound to result.

First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. & And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl.

Just like at Hirojima, when Pearl Harbor bombed the Germans!

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people.

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.

He is so shaggy. People are amazed when he gets up and they suddenly realize they have been talking to the wrong end.

Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?'

Responding to a question about remarks attributed to him that he did not think were his: "I really didn't say everything I said."

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn't get out, something is seriously wrong.

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

You think I'm weak, but I think you're wrong

My ignorance of science is such that if anyone mentioned copper nitrate I should think he was talking about policemen's overtime.

Banquet: an affair where you eat a lot of food you don't want before talking about something you don't understand to a crowd of people who don't want to hear you

Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman's punishment has been to supply a man with food then suffer the consequences when it disagrees with him

The awkward moment when you're just being nice and the person thinks you're flirting with them.

Men say women should come with instructions.. what's the point of that? Have you ever seen a man actually read the instructions?

A girl called me once and said come over, nobody is home! I went there and she was right, nobody was home

Apparently I'm a 'Long' texter. Thanks for the criticism. Next time I'll just write 'F*ck you Grandpa.' instead.

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, 'I want my daughter back by 8:15.' I said, 'The middle of August? Cool!'

Boy, have you got your lions crossed.