Quotes About Religion

Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven.

In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other.

No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.

Nations do not think, they only feel. They get their feelings at second hand through their temperaments, not their brains. A nation can be brought -- by force of circumstances, not argument -- to reconcile itself to any kind of government or religion that can be devised; in time it will fit itself to the required conditions; later it will prefer them and will fiercely fight for them.

I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion — several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven.

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

All religions issue bibles against him, and say most injurious things about him, but we never hear his side.

"Pilgrim's Progress," about a man that left his family it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough.

Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.

Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

If that thing's [hibernating alien] god... ...gimme that old time religion

Baptists are only funny underwater.

If people want to compete for leadership of a religious group, they can compete in piety. A chilling thought. Or funny.

It's funny - people think analysis or psychiatry is mad, and THEY go to CHURCH.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.

The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!

I think religion is a funny thing because, when you see somebody who can really break it down, sometimes it feels foolish what you believe.

Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?

Me personally, I don't have anything against Jesus any more than I do any of the religious icons. I think they're all pretty funny.

All New Years is to me is for taking down your dumb Christmas decorations. People who put up Christmas decorations, all they're saying is, 'Hey, we're not Jews.'