Quotes About Self-care

We're so careful to see that no one gets hurt. No one, that is, but ourselves. —AL-ANON MEMBER

Surrender to love, without allowing people to control us or keep us from caring for ourselves. Start by surrendering to love for yourself.

Today, I will exchange a controlled life for one that is manageable.

Sometimes codependents were blamed; sometimes they were ignored; sometimes they were expected to magically shape up (an archaic attitude that has not worked with alcoholics and doesn't help codependents either).

Codependent No More Workbook Codependents' Guide to the Twelve Steps 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact Finding Your Way Home Gratitude

We try to do something each day toward recovery.

Melody Beattie

Forgiveness comes in time—in its own time—if we are striving to take care of ourselves. Don't let other people use this principle against us. Don't let other people help us feel guilty because they think we should forgive someone, and we are either not ready or believe forgiveness is not the appropriate solution.

You can spoil your fun, your day, your life—that's your business—but I won't let you spoil my fun, my day, or my life.

Guilt and shame are not useful as a way of life. Stop the "shoulds." Become aware of when we're punishing and torturing ourselves and make a concerted effort to tell ourselves positive messages. If we should be doing something, do it. If we're torturing ourselves, stop it. It gets easier.

We don't have to punish ourselves by feeling guilty to prove to God or anyone else how much we care.7 We need to forgive ourselves. Take the Fourth and Fifth Steps (see the chapter on working a Twelve Step program); talk to a clergy person; talk to God; make amends; and then be done with it.

OBSESSION Codependents

Most recovering addicts and alcoholics have codependency underneath.

The love we give and receive will be enhanced by the love we give ourselves.

I do not deserve and will not tolerate abuse or constant mistreatment.

Not being centered in ourselves and not feeling emotionally secure with ourselves may trap us.3 We may become afraid to terminate relationships that are dead and destructive. We may allow people to hurt and abuse us, and that is never in our best interest.

Detachment is based on the premises that everyone is responsible for themselves, that we can't solve problems that aren't ours to solve, and that worrying doesn't help.

We aren't the people who "make things happen." Codependents are the people who consistently, and with a great deal of effort and energy, try to force things to happen.

Melody Beattie

Make any decisions you need to make to take care of yourself, but don't make them to control other people. Start taking care of yourself

In recovery, we learn that self-care leads us on the path to God's will and plan for our life. Self-care never leads away from our highest good; it leads toward it. Learn to nurture that voice inside. We can trust ourselves.

Codependents aren't crazier or sicker than alcoholics. But, they hurt as much or more.

I feel numb. Or I cry. Or I sit and stare. I listen to the same songs over and over. I can't work," I tell the therapist. "I can't get on with my life." What's her advice? "If you feel sad, cry. If you feel numb, feel that. Ninety-five dollars, please." It's the best money I ever spent, but it takes time to understand.

It's been difficult for codependents to get the information and practical help they need and deserve. It's tough enough to convince alcoholics (or other disturbed people) to seek help. It's more difficult to convince codependents—those who by comparison look, but don't feel, normal—that they have problems.