Quotes About Satire

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded

Gags die, humor doesn't

Most jokes state a bitter truth.

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law, it's a joke!

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

For every ten jokes, thou hast got a hundred enemies

America's one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.

On Christmas day you can't get sore, Your fellow man you must adore, There's time to cheat him all the more The other three hundred and sixty-four

Health food makes me sick.

Wal-Mart: The only place on earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life what not to wear episode...

I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.

For my high colestorol my doctor prescribed me a boyfriend.

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

One can always tell it's summer when one sees school teachers hanging about the streets idly, looking like cannibals during a shortage of missionaries.

Tractors and boobs. There you have it.