Quotes About Communication

Introducing your lovers helps prevent one of the scariest aspects of jealousy, which is the part where you imagine that your lover's other lover is taller, thinner, smarter, sexier, and in all ways preferable to funky old you. When you meet that other person or when your lovers meet each other, they meet real people, warts and all, and so often wind up feeling safer. Introducing

It is basic to any relationship, and particularly important in open relationships, that no one can own another person.

The important thing is to be aware of your needs and wants, so you can go about getting them met with full consciousness. If you pretend that you have no needs for sex, for affection, for emotional support, you are lying to yourself, and you will wind up trying to get your needs met by indirect methods that don't work very well. [...] Do not commit yourself to a lifetime of hinting and hoping

What you are not responsible for is your lover's emotions. You can choose to be supportive—we're great believers in the healing power of listening—but it is not your job to fix anything.

How are we to teach our children to say "no" to an abusive adult if we are not frank about what it is that they should say "no" to? When we try to keep sex secret from our kids, they are aware that something is going on, but they don't know what. And if we leave them to get their sex information in the playground or on the street, from equally ill-informed other kids, we consign them to the jungle.

A ring around the finger does not cause a nerve block to the genitals.

when you own your feelings, you have lots of choices. You can talk about how you feel, you can choose whether or not you want to act on those feelings, you can learn how to understand yourself better, you can comfort yourself or ask for comfort. Owning your feelings is basic to understanding the boundaries of where you end and the next person begins and the perfect first step toward self-acceptance and self-love.

Once you've gotten comfortable with "no," "yes" is usually easier. Try it, in all its variations: "Yes, please." "Yes, when?" "Yes, but I have some limits I want to tell you about first." "Yes, but I need you to talk to my partner first." "Yes, but not tonight; how does next Tuesday look for you?" "Hell, yes!

Only when we're all willing to own our emotions, and let our lovers and friends own theirs, does anyone have the power to change and grow.

Be nice to your body and then go find somebody else's body to be nice to, and somebody will be nice to your body, too. Someone who has happily given themselves as many orgasms as they want is unlikely to approach their other relationships in a state of sexual desperation. Sexual self-sufficiency is an important slut skill that makes us far less likely to play with the wrong person just because we're so horny. Be your own best lover.

A technique for good listening is to listen to what your partner has to say without interrupting and let them know you heard them by telling them what you think they just said.

You might also want to do some thinking about how much time you need to get your needs met: do you really have to stay over and have breakfast together the next day, or would an hour or two of cuddling and talk be just as nice?

A basic precept of intimate communication is that each person owns their own feelings . No one "makes" you feel jealous or insecure—the person who makes you feel that way is you. No matter what the other person is doing, what you feel in response is determined inside you. Even when somebody deliberately tries to hurt you, you make a choice about how you feel.

Cuando has construido una relación satisfactoria contigo mismo, entonces tienes algo de gran valor para compartir con los demás.

If you have a lover and a best friend who are not the same person, you're already practicing many of the skills of sluthood as you manage each of their needs for intimacy, time, and affection.

We believe that friendship is an excellent reason to have sex, and that sex is an excellent way to maintain a friendship

Con la práctica, podemos desarrollar una intimidad basada en la cordialidad y respeto mutuo mucho más libre que la desesperación, necesidad o la locura ciega de enamorarse

It's difficult to get attached to preferences like lesbian or straight when you don't know the gender of the person you are flirting with.

When you look at the people around you and dismiss them—or, worse yet, assume you know all there is to know about them—because of their skin color, gender, orientation, way of speaking, mode of dress, religion, or country of origin, you'll never get to hear any of the new and fascinating things those people might have to say.

Temporary marks, like bruises or welts that last a few days, are common occurrences in S/M. However, some people – such as those with vanilla partners at home – might have problems with them, so it's probably a good idea to ask about marks before you haul out the cast-iron cane.

There is no reason why any relationship in our lives can't be blessed with intimacy.

We each have the responsibility of living our own lives, determining our individual needs, and arranging to get those needs met. We cannot live through a partner, nor can we assume that just because we have a lover, all our needs should automatically be satisfied.

More pragmatically, we have had long, intense intimate conversations that felt deeply sexual to us. And we have had intercourse that didn't feel terribly sexual.

A good fight starts with the understanding that in order for a fight to be successful, both people have to win.