Quotes About Irony

Two blondes walk into a building. You'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

We were young, she continued, while she had a bad heart. Did we not want to earn our tips, she asked us and, cowed, we refrained from introducing the subject again. Her bad heart, I noticed, did not force her to abstain from smoking, or from eating large portions of puddings. Every time I heard her opening how she could not carry anything heavy, I thought sourly "except yourself".

I don't make mistakes. I make predictions which immediately turn out to be wrong.

It's both funny and sad which seem to me to be the two basic ingredients of good comedy.

We try to... we are, I suppose to a certain extent all affected and erm, that is both funny and sad I think.

Offering advice to an angry person is like congratulating a sleeping insomniac with a slap on the back.

Ah! Qué terrible es el sino de los pobres locos, esos 'renglones torcidos', esos yerros, esas faltas de ortografía del Creador, como los llamaba 'el Autor de la Teoría de los Nueve Mundos', ignorante de que él era uno de los más torcidos de todos los renglones de la caligrafía divina!

Irony is Fate's most common figure of speech.

It is ironic that so many people avoid conflict in the name of efficiency, because healthy conflict is actually a time saver.

The newly-minted captain admits the irony between the gold on his shoulders and the lack of gold in his pockets.

Because he had nothing to hide, he did perhaps appear to have forfeited a little of his strength. But that is the irony of honesty.

Matthias Hopkins, commonly called "witchfinder general," took advantage of the disorders of the English civil wars of the seventeenth century and made a special business of the discovery of witches. He was quite successful, until his own methods were tried on his own person, and as he did not sink in the water ordeal, the people declared him to be a wizard and slew him (1647).

Unfortunately for Karl, his mother outlived her husband by a good twenty-plus years. Still, this better-late-than-never scheme paid off handsomely for the champion of the proletariat. He would receive about $6,000 in gold and francs compliments of his decaying mother's corpse.

I've been ridiculed by silk-suited lawyers, jailed by ornery judges, and occasionally paid for services rendered. I never intended to be a hero, and I succeeded.

Two wrongs don't make a right but sometimes they make me laugh. I am a vengeful god.

The universe loves irony even more than it loves futility.

The saddest task for the ironist is having to tell the listener that it's a joke, because of course it is never a joke.

What could be crueler? I suppose the answer was: lots of things-an intellectual forced to shovel chicken shit, a Muslim forced to keep pigs, a physicist ordered to assemble radios, an historian in a dunce cap, a person beaten to death for being a teacher.

This Mexican hospitality to gringos is in ironic contrast to the present ubiquity of Mexicans who are demonized and fenced in, stamped as undesirable, considered suspect, and unwelcome in America.

At a time like this, scorching irony, not convincing argument, is needed.

Neither irony nor sarcasm is argument.

Neither irony or sarcasm is argument.

I was the toast of two continents: Greenland and Australia.

The work of art is a stuffed crocodile.