Quotes About Contradiction

A world without hope, but no despair

Where there is hypocrisy, there is hope.

I love Humanity but I hate humans

Paradise is too perfect for humanity.

Real humanity presents a mixture of all that is most sublime and beautiful with all that is vilest and most monstrous in the world.

It's an unnerving thought that we may be the living universe's supreme achievement and its worst nightmare simultaneously.

Humans were peculiar. They were by turns squeamish and appallingly violent.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny.

The best humor is offered up to you by the stupidity of your opponents.

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.

The law of levity is allowed to supersede the law of gravity.

When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

I got ham but I'm not a Hamster

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

The phrase 'domestic cat' is an oxymoron.