Quotes About Vulnerability

Love is our bulwark, designed to provide emotional protection so we can cope with the ups and downs of existence.

the fact that his shut-down strategy works just fine in many situations. But in love relationships, it simply alarms his partner and writes the next part of the story with a negative slant.

Generally in love, sharing even negative emotions, provided they don't get out of hand, is more useful than emotional absence. Lack of response just fires up the primal panic of the other partner.

Generally in love, sharing even negative emotions, provided they don't get out of hand, is more useful than emotional absence. Lack of response just fires up the primal panic of the other partner. As James tells Vincent, "I get so I just want to strike out at you to prove that you can't just turn me off.

As lovers, we poise together delicately on a tightrope. When the winds of doubt and fear begin blowing, if we panic and clutch at each other or abruptly turn away and head for cover, the rope sways more and more and our balance becomes even more precarious. To stay on the rope, we must shift with each other's moves, respond to each other's emotions. As we connect, we balance each other. We are in emotional equilibrium.

For all of us, the person we love most in the world, the one who can send us soaring joyfully into space, is also the person who can send us crashing back to earth.

when you feel pain from your raw spot, are there ghosts standing behind your lover?

It helps to remember that in love, mistakes are inevitable. We all sometimes miss our loved ones' calls for closeness. We all find ourselves distracted. We all get stuck in our own fear or anger and fail to catch loved ones as they fall. There is no perfect soul mate, no flawless lover. We are all stumbling around, treading on each other's toes as we are learning to love.

The demise of marriages begins with a growing absence of responsive intimate interactions. The conflict comes later.

We know that love makes us vulnerable, but also that we are never as safe and strong as when we are sure we are loved. We know

The message of EFT is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, recognize and admit that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection.

Underneath all the distress, partners are asking each other: Can I count on you, depend on you? Are you there for me? Will you respond to me when I need, when I call? Do I matter to you? Am I valued and accepted by you? Do you need me, rely on me? The anger, the criticism, the demands, are really cries to their lovers, calls to stir their hearts, to draw their mates back in emotionally and reestablish a sense of safe connection.

Any partner we choose will hurt us at one time or another. No relationship, even the most ideal, has unwaveringly smooth sailing; there will always be squalls and storms that roil the waters.

Find the Bad Guy is a dead-end pattern of mutual blame that effectively keeps a couple miles apart, blocking reengagement and the creation of a safe haven.

These negative patterns always started when one partner tried to reach for the other and could not make safe emotional contact.

When partners tell me that they cannot be considerate of and watch out for each other with everyday acts of caring, I worry. When they tell me that they are not making love, I am concerned. But when they tell me that they do not touch, I know they are really in trouble.

Until we address the fundamental need for connection and the fear of losing it, the standard techniques, such as learning problem solving or communication skills, examining childhood hurts, or taking time-outs, are misguided and ineffectual.

If we cannot name and accept our own attachment needs, sending clear messages to others when those needs are hot is impossible.

Generally in love, sharing even negative emotions, provided they don't get out of hand, is more useful than emotional absence.

have to do this. Let's stop. Come over and just let's have a hug.' And she did. It felt great." I asked

Bowlby talked about "effective dependency" and how being able, from "the cradle to the grave," to turn to others for emotional support is a sign and source of strength.

love is like a language. If you speak it, it flows more and more easily. If you don't, then you start to lose it.

The truth is, we will never create a really strong, secure connection if we do not allow our lovers to know us fully or if our lovers are unwilling to know us.

She guarded herself against it, she supposed, the way she guarded herself against everything difficult or painful—by being loving, by being solicitous.