Quotes About Advice

Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.

My father gave me some advice when I was very young - whatever someone tells you in the future, don't forget Pele is the best.

The people you listen to are a preview of the future you.

Regrets over the past should chasten the future.

Unusual commencement advice: Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

I have a theory of relatives, too. Don't hire 'em.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Advice in old age is foolish; for what can be more absurd than to increase our provisions for the road the nearer we approach to our journey's end.

Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.

Never take a blind date to a silent film.

I always advise people never to give advice.

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Never floss with a stranger.

Never fight an inanimate object.