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There are few sights sadder than a ruined book, but Klaus had no time to be sad.

There are many mysteries I have never solved, and the hair of my chaperone is perhaps my most curious unsolved case.

Klaus grinned. 'I'm sorry,' he said, 'but it was a very interesting book, and I'm so pleased that it's coming in handy.

In general, of course, a stranger who tries to get you into an automobile is anything but noble, and in general a person who quotes great American novelists is anything but treacherous, and in general a man who says you needn't worry about money, or a man who smokes cigarettes, is somewhere in between.

If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book.

Don't be a smart aleck," Hungry said. "But it cheers me up," I said.

I'm not a math tutor," I said. "I don't feel the need to check your work.

That's true," the male officer said. "Stew Mitchum is as cute as a button." I tried to think of buttons I'd seen that liked to torture small animals, but I couldn't.

But if they were afraid of lemon meringue pie, this would be an irrational fear, because lemon meringue pie is delicious and has never hurt a soul.

The Baudelaire orphans stared at the scrap of paper, and then at Hector, and then at the scrap of paper again. Then they stared at Hector again, and then at the scrap of paper once more and then at Hector once more and then at the scrap of paper once again, and then at Hector once again and then at the scrap of paper one more time.

villains need to develop a villainous laugh, so that they may simultaneously celebrate their villainous deeds and frighten whatever nonvillainous people happen to be nearby.

I watched her eyes sweep across the scrap of paper more than twice. A fantastic librarian reads everything two times at least.

The bears bear hard hard yarn yarns" you are unlikely to be confused.

The accident," she said finally, "happened because Klaus was hypnotized." "What your brother does for a hobby is none of my concern," Sir said.

Stop!" Jerome Squalor pleaded. "In the name of injustice!

She crawled in front of the Baudelaires' guardian and bared her teeth at Captain Sham.

I said that if she won I would tell all of you something I learned about her this summer. Jackie Woodson is allergic to watermelon. Just let that sink in your minds. I said, 'You have to put that in a book.' And she said, 'You put that in a book.' And I said, 'I'm only writing a book about a black girl who's allergic to watermelon if you, Cornel West, Toni Morrison and Barack Obama say, 'This guy's OK.

Although this table contains a great many elements, from the element oxygen, which is found in the air, to the element aluminum, which is found in cans of soda, the table if elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element if surprise.

And a refrigerator may hold a basket of strawberries, which would be important if a maniac said to you, "If you don't give me a basket of strawberries right now, I'm going to poke you with this large stick.

I'd worry about your chaperone. She's trapped, like a spider caught in a web." "Spiders make webs," I said. "They don't get caught in them." "I meant a fly," Stew growled. "How in the world would a spider get caught in a fly?

But unlike this book, the dictionary also discusses words that are far more pleasant to contemplate. The word "bubble" is in the dictionary, for instance, as is the word "peacock," the word "vacation," and the words "the" "author's" "execution" "has" "been" "canceled," which make up a sentence that is always pleasant to hear. So

It was a mystery, like what the S stood for in Theodora's name. I kept walking, with nothing but solitude for company. "Solitude" is a fancy name for being all by yourself. It's not a bad name, I thought.

Just last night, I was troubled by a decision involving an eyedropper, a greedy night watchman, and a tray of individual custards, and this morning I am so tired that I can scarcely type these worfs.

Don't be absurd!" Jerome said. "Ruthless kidnapping villains aren't in!