Quotes About Marriage

I don't care how handsome or fabulous or funny the groom is, or how sweet and accommodating the bride, or vice versa. Marriage is hard.

I've done all the dumping, which is not a good thing. It's funny, because I married someone who has always done it as well. I believe I met my match.

When a husband's story is believed, he begins to suspect his wife.

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.

I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood.

I believe our differences are the little pinches of salt that can make the marriage seem more flavorful.

It's funny when you get married, you do find other couples to hang out with.

I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.

[On Ronald Reagan:] Jane Wyman seemed more upset with her husband's obsession with politics than I. I tried to make her laugh. 'He'll outgrow it,' I told her. To her it wasn't funny.

I am happy to know that my husband regards me as a woman and a person.

Marriage is great. It'll calm you down - that and neutering.

I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

I was married once before, and I stopped.

I actually think the subject of young divorce is pretty funny; I'd like to write a movie about it.

AT&T to wed T-Mobile. Following the ceremony there will be no reception.

The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.

One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.

I have trouble saying hu ... hu ... husband.

Everybody in the South loves the one closeted homosexual who's married. It's just too funny to not have in a movie about the South. It's an epidemic. You gotta represent!

Ladies gotta say no to their husbands at the movies. They gotta say: "No, we are watching back-to-back cancer movies. And then this movie about a cat."

If I were married, I would be unmarried.

Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I'll cut you in fer half the business here.

Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won't sparkle in the sunshine, he'll just marry you.