Quotes About Betrayal

Infidelity hurts. But when we grant it a special status in the hierarchy of marital misdemeanors, we risk allowing it to overshadow the egregious behaviors that may have preceded it or even led to it.

despite its widespread denunciation, infidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy.

With the revelation of an affair, suddenly the scoreboard of a marriage is lit up: the giving and the taking, the concessions and the demands, the allocation of money, sex, time, in-laws, children, chores. All the things we never really wanted to do but did in the name of love are now stripped of the context that gave them meaning.

Intimate betrayal feels intensely personal—a direct attack in the most vulnerable place. However, looking through the lens of the damage it caused the aggrieved partner, we see only one side of the story. Cheating is what they did to their partner, but what were they doing for themselves? And why?

What for Partner A may have been agonizing betrayal was transformative for Partner B. Understanding why the infidelity happened and what it signified is critical, both for couples who choose to end their relationship and for those who want to stay together, rebuild, and revitalize theirs.

No woman should ever give one man all the power to shatter her romantic ideals. There is a big difference between saying, "That one person let me down and I'm hurt," and saying, "I'll never love again." But these two women are not ready to make that distinction. They see the world as offering two options—hurt or be hurt. As Lailani puts it, "I should've stayed the bitch. Nobody hurts the bitch.

the moment the affair is revealed, the narrative will irrevocably switch. It will no longer be a story of self-discovery, but one of betrayal. I am not sure what they have to gain from that.

Monogamy is the sacred cow of the romantic ideal, for it confirms our specialness. Infidelity says, You're not so special after all. It shatters the grand ambition of love.

The quest for the unexplored self is a powerful theme of the adulterous narrative.

I've observed an interesting connection between my patients' responses to betrayal and the type of justice they are likely to seek. Some mourn the loss of the connection. "I'm hurt because I lost you." Others mourn the loss of face. "I can't believe you made such an idiot of me." One is a relational injury; the second, a narcissistic one. Wounded hearts; wounded pride.

Consequently, what Proust called "the demon that cannot be exorcised" has simply gone in search of a socially acceptable vocabulary.9 "Trauma," "intrusive thoughts," "flashbacks," "obsessiveness," "vigilance," and "attachment injury" are the modern vocabulary for betrayed love.

Affairs have a lot to teach us about relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to.

Understanding infidelity does not mean justifying it.

Secrets and lies are at the heart of every affair, and they heighten both the excitement of the lovers and the pain of the betrayed.

It would take too long to explain the intimate alliance of contradictions in human nature which makes love itself wear at times the desperate shape of betrayal. And perhaps there is no possible explanation. —Joseph Conrad, Some Reminiscences

Yet despite its widespread denunciation, infidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy.

Marriage has become a mythical castle, designed to be everything we could want. Affairs bring it tumbling down, leaving us feeling like there is nothing to hold on to. Perhaps this goes some way toward explaining why modern infidelity is more than painful. It is traumatic.

Betrayal in the digital age is death by a thousand cuts.

Betrayed by our beloved, we suffer the loss of a coherent narrative—the "internal structure that helps us predict and regulate future actions and feelings [creating] a stable sense of self," as psychiatrist Anna Fels defines it.

We are willing to concede that the future is unpredictable, but we expect the past to be dependable. Betrayed by our beloved, we suffer the loss of a coherent narrative—the "internal structure that helps us predict and regulate future actions and feelings [creating] a stable sense of self," as psychiatrist Anna Fels defines it.

infidelity is not just a loss of love; it is a loss of self.

What draws people outside the lines they worked so hard to establish? Why does sexual betrayal hurt so much? Is an affair always selfish and weak, or can it in some cases be understandable, acceptable, even an act of boldness and courage?

The crisis of identity is not only reserved for the partner who was betrayed. When the veil on a secret is lifted, the shock is not only for the one who discovers the affair but also for the one who was engaged in it. Looking at his or her behavior through the newly opened eyes of the aggrieved, the protagonist of the affair confronts a self-image that is barely recognizable.

Did we really have to go through an affair just to be able to be truly honest with each other?" I hear this often and share their regret. But here's one of the unspoken truths about relationships: for many couples, nothing less extreme is powerful enough to get the partners' attention and to shake up a stale system.