Quotes About Understanding

Well, I'm just going to say it. I'm listening, Louis said. I wonder if you would consider coming to my house sometimes to sleep with me.

That they wanted to be anywhere but here was obvious—and something I could totally understand.

Why are you willing to protect me?" Because no matter how much she fussed and snarled, it was music to his ears. When he breathed in her scent, he was in heaven. And when he gazed into her sky-blue eyes, an eternity wasn't long enough. But he couldn't tell her that, so he shrugged. "I don't like people to be unhappy.

Never try to understand a woman. It will drive you insane, and you still won't understand.

Consequently, the first condition of safety is Mutual Purpose. Mutual Purpose means that others perceive that you're working toward a common outcome in the conversation, that you care about their goals, interests, and values. And vice versa. You believe they care about yours.

this is the first principle of dialogue—Start with Heart. That is, your own heart. If you can't get yourself right, you'll have a hard time getting dialogue right.

If you use these skills exactly the way we tell you to and the other person doesn't want to dialogue, you won't get to dialogue. However, if you persist over time, refusing to take offence, making your motive genuine, showing respect, and constantly searching for Mutual Purpose, then the other person will almost always join you in dialogue.

Every time you try to convince others through verbal persuasion, you suffer from your inability to select and share language in a way that reproduces in the mind of the listener exactly the same thoughts you are having. You say your words, but others hear their words, which in turn stimulate their images, their past histories, and their overall meaning—all of which may be very different from what you intended.

Let's say that your significant other has been paying less and less attention to you. You realize he or she has a busy job, but you still would like more time together. You drop a few hints about the issue, but your loved one doesn't handle it well.

When under attack, our heart can take a similarly sudden and unconscious turn. When faced with pressure and strong opinions, we often stop worrying about the goal of adding to the pool of meaning and start looking for ways to win, punish, or keep the peace. Winning

When you STATE things well and others become defensive, refuse to conclude that the issue is impossible to discuss. Think harder about your approach. Step out of the content, do what it takes to make sure your partner feels safe, and then try again to candidly STATE your view.

In essence, feelings of disrespect often come when we dwell on how others are different from ourselves. We can counteract these feelings by looking for ways we are similar. Without excusing others' behavior, we

I have known a thousand scamps; but I never met one who considered himself so. Self-knowledge isn't so common. —OUIDA

People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool—even ideas that at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own beliefs. Now, obviously, they don't agree with every idea; they simply do their best to ensure that all ideas find their way into the open.

Lord, help me forgive those who sin differently than I." When

The Pool of Shared Meaning is the birthplace of synergy.

essential to verbalize your good intent. In face-to-face conversation

Said another way, safety in a conversation is about intent, not content.

di·a·logue or di·a·log (dì´ Ã¢Ë†â€š-lôg´´, -lòg) n The free flow of meaning between two or more people.

By tentatively sharing a story rather than attacking, name-calling, and threatening, the worried spouse averted a huge battle, and the couple's relationship was strengthened at a time when it could easily have been damaged.

Start with a situation where you observe someone becoming emotional and you're still under control—such as a meeting (when you're not personally under attack and are less likely to get hooked). Do your best to get at the person's source of fear or anger.

Even if we do our best to safely and effectively respond to the other person's verbal attack, we still have to face up to the fact that it's going to take a little while for him or her to settle down.

we do know one thing for certain: Skilled people Start with Heart. That is, they begin high-risk discussions with the right motives, and they stay focused no matter what happens.

Crucial Conversation kr shel kän´ vr sa´ shen) n A discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong.