Quotes About Understanding

Lord, help me forgive those who sin differently than I." When we recognize that we all have weaknesses, it's easier to find a way to respect others.

If you persist over time, refusing to take offense, making your motive genuine, showing respect, and constantly searching for Mutual Purpose, then the other person will almost always join you in dialogue.

Skilled people Start with Heart. That is, they begin high-risk discussions with the right motives, and they stay focused no matter what happens.

When others move to silence or violence, step out of the conversation and Make it Safe. When safety is restored, go back to the issue at hand and continue the dialogue.

Lord, help me forgive those who sin differently than I.

When under attack, our heart can take a similarly sudden and unconscious turn. When faced with pressure and strong opinions, we often stop worrying about the goal of adding to the pool of meaning and start looking for ways to win, punish, or keep the peace.

In truth, everyone argues about important issues. But not everyone splits up. It's how you argue that matters.

So be patient when exploring how others think and feel. Encourage them to share their path and then wait for their emotions to catch up with the safety that you've created.

People who are gifted at dialogue keep a constant vigil on safety. They pay attention to the content—that's a given—and they watch for signs that people are becoming fearful.

We're asking you to recode silence and violence as signs that people are feeling unsafe. We're asking you to fight your natural tendency to respond in kind. We're asking you to undo years of practice, maybe even eons of genetic shaping that prod you to take flight or pick a fight (when under attack), and recode the stimulus. "Ah, that's a sign that the other person feels unsafe." And then what? Do something to make it safe.

It's important to understand that Contrasting is not apologizing. It is not a way of taking back something we've said that hurt others' feelings. Rather, it is a way of ensuring that what we said didn't hurt more than it should have.

One of the ironies of dialogue is that, when talking with those holding opposing opinions, the more convinced and forceful you act, the more resistant others become.

It's spoken with a shoulder shrug, a side-to-side of the head, and roll of the eyes. It means: I can't even fathom your reality, but I've decided to just accept it and move on.

Just because they don't hear the song (of the world) doesn't mean it's silent.

recognized him right away; the

He hadn't judged her, though, nor had he condemned her. He'd simply seen the point she'd reached, beyond ever redeeming herself. Maybe

The simplest things are the hardest to understand.

And I knew a secret to caring for someone, had learned it just this moment. You took care of people by not letting them know how badly you wanted your life to be different.

Was this how trauma worked? she wondered. Those closest to it remained dumbfounded by the fact that those who weren't present could derive meaning from it?

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.

J'aurais dû être plus gentille—I should have been more kind. That is something a person will never regret. You will never say to yourself when you are old, Ah, I wish I was not good to that person. You will never think that.

Men are easy,' he said, fingers tapping on his mahogany desk. 'A man's plumbing is like his mind: simple, very few surprises. You ladies, on the other hand...well, God put a lot of thought into making you.

The problem, of course, was that [he] saw the world in black and white. And he got to decide what was black and what was white. You can't love a person who lives that way without fearing him too. Maybe even hating him a little.

It's wrong to hurt even bad people. Because they don't know any better, and because bad people sometimes become good.