Quotes About Struggle

I tried the Scarsdale diet and the Stillman water diet (you remember that one, where you run weight off trying to get to the bathroom).

I think part of being a parent is trying to kill your kids.

I am too tired, I must try to rest and sleep, otherwise I am lost in every respect. What an effort to keep alive! Erecting a monument does not require an expenditure of so much strength.

Man. Being mostly dead is hard on a guy.

Adulthood feels like walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.

So it happened at last: I was about to become a thief, a cheap milk-stealer. Here was your lash-in-the-pen genius, your one story-writer: a thief.

Every year, hundreds of thousands of people try their hand at this demanding profession (humor columnist). After a few months, almost all of them have given up and gone back to the ninth grade.

I was never ruined but twice: once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one.

Being sued by your own record company, that's even better than receiving a Grammy

You can't save everyone, though God knows you try.

It's awful to be rich and mind-boggingly handsome and have women fawn over you. My heart bleeds for you. Poor dear, how do you manage?

You can hear my dreams? God, you must never get any quiet. I'd be shooting myself in the head if I were you.

You know, my main goal in life is trying not to end up in a straightjacket.

If you didn't have me to rake you over the coals now and then, there wouldn't be any fire in your life at all.

I was so getting tired of fighting for my life in the library.

We're fighting people that hates our values, they can't stand what America stands for.

I did whatever it takes to do stand-up. There is an abundance of material in struggling and poverty and trying to make it. There is so much humor in that, it's unlimited.

Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

Our bodies are always exposed to Satan. The maladies I suffer are not natural, but Devil's spells.

I'm not a fighter, I'm a bleeder.

Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde is a metaphor for alcoholism. He drinks a potion, becomes a monster. I know exactly how he feels.

Someone bent on suicide won't have much sense of humor left.

In show business, it takes 10 years to create an overnight success. You've heard that, right? But what you don't hear is that that's the exact same amount of time it takes to create a bitter failure.