Quotes About Wisdom

Everybody wants to live forever, but nobody wants to grow old.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas'.

Whenever the talk turns to age, I say I am 49 plus VAT.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

There is absolutely nothing to be said in favour of growing old. There ought to be leglislation against it.

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Never floss with a stranger.

Never fight an inanimate object.

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I never said most of the things I said.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.