Quotes About Connection

The downstairs state of reactivity doesn't know what to do with a lot of upstairs words. Often, in moments of reactivity, nonverbals (like hugs and empathetic facial expressions) will be much more powerful.

This is the PART we play in helpful communication. PART means that we are present, attune, resonate, and create trust.

When such resonance is enacted with positive regard, a deep feeling of coherence emerges with the subjective sensation of harmony. When

Beginning with a genuine sense of care and interest by the focus of the other's careful attention, resonance extends this positive interaction into a fuller dimension of the other being changed because of who we are. This is how we feel "felt," and this is how two individuals become a "we.

when a child is upset, logic often won't work until we have responded to the right brain's emotional needs. We call this emotional connection "attunement,

we can use these opportunities to realize that at these moments, logic isn't our primary vehicle for bringing some sort of sanity to the conversation. (Seems counterintuitive, doesn't it?) It's also crucial to keep in mind that no matter how nonsensical and frustrating our child's feelings may seem to us, they are real and important to our child. It's vital that we treat them as such in our response.

No-Drama Discipline allows us to communicate to our children, "I'm with you. I've got your back. Even when you're at your worst and I don't like the way you're acting, I love you, and I'm here for you. I understand you're having a hard time, and I am here.

Para llevar una vida equilibrada, valiosa y creativa, llena de relaciones personales bien conectadas, es crucial que nuestros dos hemisferios actúen conjuntamente.

In other words, deep, empathic connection can and should be combined with clear and firm boundaries that create needed structure in children's lives.

Once she had connected with him right brain to right brain, it was much easier to connect left to left and deal with the issues in a rational manner. By first connecting with his right brain, she could then redirect with the left brain through logical explanation and planning, which required that his left hemisphere join the conversation.

Para nosotros, imponer disciplina se reduce a una simple frase: conectar y redirigir. Nuestra primera respuesta debe ser siempre ofrecer conexión tranquilizadora; a continuación podemos redirigir conductas. Incluso cuando decimos «no» al comportamiento de los niños, siempre hemos de decir «sí» a sus emociones y a su manera de experimentar las cosas.

la conciencia se fragmenta y eso da lugar a la experiencia de una mente disociada con problemas para regular la emoción, tratar con otras personas, manejar la frustración y simplemente avanzar en la vida de una manera coherente.

As we join in this moment in the physical realm—making appointments to be in the same space at a given interval of the clock—our nervous systems align their firing patterns as two sets of electrochemical entities phase shift

understand. Such an approach

On the subjective side of reality, resonance can be detected internally as we look to the other and recognize evidence that the other is changed because of our own internal world. We see a tear forming at the edge of the other's eyes as we have just told a sad story. We

sense of danger, we cannot activate what Porges calls the social engagement system. And we don't access what I've called a self-engagement system either (see

What this means is reflecting on your relationships in the past in your own family life and asking yourself how those experiences influenced your development.

You won't always be able to discipline in a way that both connects and redirects.

6. NOS OLVIDAMOS DE CENTRARNOS EN CÓMO DECIMOS LO QUE DECIMOS Lo que decimos a los niños importa. Naturalmente. Pero cómo lo decimos es igual de importante. Aunque no resulta fácil, hemos de proponernos ser amables y respetuosos cada vez que nos comuniquemos con nuestros hijos. Es muy posible que no siempre demos en el clavo, pero este debe ser el objetivo.

contingent response," which means that we attune our response to what our child is actually feeling, in a way that validates what's happening in her mind.

But it also would have missed an opportunity. My son would have missed a chance to see that relationships are about connection, communication, and compromise. He would have missed a chance to feel empowered that he can make choices, affect his environment, and solve problems.

When we are preoccupied with the past or worried about the future, we are physically present with our children but are mentally absent.

Conforme los niños se desarrollan, sus cerebros «reflejan» el cerebro de sus padres.

upset, logic often won't work until we have responded to the right brain's emotional needs.