Quotes About Growth

O que este livro pergunta é: "Como mudamos?", e o que ele responde é: "Ao nos relacionarmos com os outros".

There's a difference between pain and suffering," Wendell says. "You're going to have to feel pain—everyone feels pain at times—but you don't have

to suffer so much. You're not choosing the pain, but you're choosing the suffering." He

1) As a therapist, I know a lot about pain, about the ways in which pain is tied to loss. But I also know something less commonly understood: that change and loss travel together. We can't have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.

But I also know something less commonly understood: that change and loss travel together. We can't have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.

It's no surprise that as I heal inside, I'm also becoming more adept at healing others.

take the most seriously—are those they come to, little by little, on their own.

That's why it's especially important to be the people we want to be now, to become more open and expansive while we're able.

none of us can love and be loved without the possibility of loss but that there's a difference between knowledge and terror.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe succinctly summarized this sentiment: "Too many parents make life hard for their children by trying, too zealously, to make it easy for them.

What was helpful in getting to where the person is today? What wasn't? What has she learned about herself—her strengths, her challenges, her internal scripts and narratives—and what coping strategies and healthier ways of being can she take with her when she leaves?

Not knowing is a good place to start," he says, and this feels like a revelation. I spend so much time trying to figure things out, chasing the answer, but it's okay to not know .

change and loss travel together.

therapy works best when people start getting better—when they feel less depressed or anxious, or the crisis has passed. Now they're less reactive, more present, more able to engage in the work.

some point in our lives, we have to let go of the fantasy of creating a better past.

A therapist will hold up the mirror in the most compassionate way possible, but it's up to the patient to take a good look at that reflection, to stare back at it and say, "Oh, isn't that interesting! Now what?" instead of turning away.

They'll be there regardless, so you might as well welcome them because they hold important clues.

how our histories affect the ways we think, feel, and behave and how at some point in our lives, we have to let go of the fantasy of creating a better past.

That's why it's especially important to be the people we want to be now, to become more open and expansive while we're able to. A lot will be left dangling if we wait too long.

Do you think I'm a bad person?" she'd ask, and I'd assure her that everyone who comes to therapy worries that what they think or feel might not be "normal" or "good," and yet it's our honesty with ourselves that helps us make sense of our lives with all of their nuances and complexity. Repress those thoughts, and you'll likely behave "badly." Acknowledge them, and you'll grow.

Whereas in their younger years, people often come to therapy to understand why their parents won't act in ways they wish, later on, people come to figure out how to manage what is. And so my question about my mother has cone from "Why can't she change?" to "Why can't I?

Insight is the booby prize of therapy" is my favorite maxim of the trade, meaning that you can have all the insight in the world, but if you don't change when you're out in the world, the insight—and the therapy—is worthless

Jack Kornfield said: "A second quality of mature spirituality is kindness. It is based on a fundamental notion of self-acceptance." In therapy we aim for self-compassion (Am I human?) versus self-esteem (a judgment: Am I good or bad?).

The nature of life is change