Quotes About Grandma

I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down. Grandma Mazur

The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled. Dang, Grandma said. Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.

You gonna take the case? It's not a case. It's a missing person. Sort of. You're gonna have a devil of a time finding him if it was aliens, Grandma said.

Maybe it was me, Grandma said.Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?

Saved by the grandma Ranger

At the other end of the room, Grandma had the lid up on Larry Lipinski. She was standing one foot on a folding chair, one foot on the edge of the casket, and she was taking pictures with a disposable camera.

Sally put his gun back in his pants. Guess I flunked the estrogen test. We all stared at his crotch, and Grandma said what Lula and I were thinking. I thought that bulge was your dingdong,Grandma said. Jesus, Sally said, who do you think I am, Thunder the Wonder Horse? My gun wouldn't fit in my purse. You need to get a smaller gun, Lula said. Ruins your lines with that big old Glock in your drawers.

Grandma has a .45 long barrel that she keeps hidden from my mother. She got it from her friend Elsie, who picked it up at a yard sale. Probably it was in Grandma's purse. Grandma says it gives the bag some heft, in case she has to beat off a mugger. This might be true, but I think mostly Grandma likes pretending she is Clint Eastwood.

You need teeth like mine! Grandma said. You can just mail 'em to the dentist!

That shooting gave me an appetite, she said. Somebody pass me the potatoes. Grandma Mazur

helped Grandma off and removed her helmet. She stepped away from the bike and straightened her clothes. "I can see why people like these Harleys," she said. "They really wake you up down there, don't they?

It was mesmerizing," Grandma said. "It was like staring into the eye of a cobra. I don't care if I do anything else on the bucket list. This was awesome. It was like a biblical experience.

I heard about them Rangers on TV," Grandma said. "I heard they get dogs pregnant." -Grandma Mazur

Diesel was smiling at Grandma. "You blew through almost two hundred thousand and you were playing dollar slots? That's impressive." "Especially since some of that time I was winning," Grandma said. "Twelve dollars?" "Yep. I was on a roll.

So sorry for your loss, Grandma said to Monica. My condolences. Yeah, whatever, Monica said. Grandma leaned into the casket for a close look. What are you gonna do, kiss him? Monica asked. I was trying to see where they cut him up when they took his brain out, Grandma said. Monica sucked in some fake smoke. You'd have to unzip his pants for that one.

Grandma pulled a .44 magnum out of her purse. Everybody duck, and I'll shoot out his tires.

Grandma ladled out oatmeal for the three of us. She and I took our bowls into the dining area, and Bob ate his in the kitchen. When Grandma and I went back to the kitchen, Bob's bowl was empty. The cardboard box that used to hold the cake was also empty. "Guess Bob's got a sweet tooth," Grandma said. I shook my finger at him. "That was rude. And besides, you'll get fat." Bob wagged his tail.

Dang," Grandma said, "guess I left the wrong hole empty." She leaned forward to examine her handiwork. "Not bad for my first time with a gun. I shot that sucker right in the gumpy.

Are you hungry?" Grandma asked me. "Do you need breakfast?" "I'm famished!

I get my hair done first, and then Margie and I go shoot a hundred rounds," Grandma said. "I wouldn't be telling you this, but pretty soon I imagine I'll have my own house and lots of money for ammo, and I'll be able to shoot every day if I want.

We better hurry, Grandma said. I don't want to be late for the viewing. I want to get a good seat right up front, and there'll probably be a crowd, being that the deceased was shot. You know how some people are nosy about that sort of thing. There was silence at the table, no one daring to make a comment. Well, I guess I might be a little nosy, Grandma finally said.

I went to the beauty salon today and got spruced up, Grandma said. Ever since Mildred Frick called me a slut my phone hasn't stopped ringing. I got two dates for the weekend. It might not be such a good thing to have men calling you because they think you're a slut, I said. They're only going to be after one thing. I hope that's true. I don't want to find out I went blond and bought all them thongs for nothing.

Stand back. I'm going to give the eye.' Grandma pulled a .45 long barrel out of her black patent leather purse and pointed it at Bella. 'You put your finger to your eye and I'll put a hole in your head that's so big you could push a potato through it.

Grandma has some things in common with the Queen of England. They have the same hairstyle, they each carry their purse in the crook of their arm, and no one tells either of them what to do. Grandma