Quotes About Golf

Not only that, if he double-bogeyed out, he'd break 100, which would be on a par with a lobster climbing out of the tank at Jimmy's Seafood Grill, taking the stage and whistling the entire score of Cats. "Gentlemen, we

If a caddy can help you, you don't know how to play golf. —DAN JENKINS

his son, Eric, who, in 2014, told golf writer James Dodson, "We don't rely on American banks. We have all the funding we need out of Russia.… We've got some guys that really, really love golf, and they're really invested in our programs. We just go there all the time.

There are three ways of learning golf: by study, which is the most wearisome; by imitation, which is the most fallacious; and by experience, which is the most bitter.

A broker is my eyes and ears in the market. They're there every day so I do not have to be. I'd rather play golf.

Sad to say I'm missing the Masters. Thanks to the fans for so many kind wishes.

Dogbert: Scientists have discovered the gene that makes some people love golf. Dilbert: How can they tell it's the golf gene? Dogbert: It's plaid and it lies.

As if on cue, in 1608, golf was introduced from Scotland for the first time, played around a 5-hole course on Blackheath, south of London. The leather balls, stuffed with feathers, lasted no more than one game each, particularly if it rained. At 5 shillings a time, it was a ruinously expensive but a strangely consoling pursuit, fitted to a country replete with contentment.

The only thing that could improve golf is snipers.

The only thing that could improve golf is snipers. Then those guys wouldn't wear those stupid clothes, and it would sure as shit speed up the game.

The rewards of golf, and of life too I expect, are worth very little if you don't play the game by the etiquette as well as by the rules.

If I had ever been set down in any one place and told I was to play there, and nowhere else, for the rest of my life, I should have chosen the Old Course at St. Andrews.

The better you putt, the bolder you play.

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.

Worst haircut I've ever seen in my life. And I've had a few bad ones. It looks like he (John Daly) has a divot over each ear.

The life of a professional golfer is precarious at best. Win, and they carry you to the clubhouse on their shoulders. Lose, and you pay the caddies in the dark.

All my life I wanted to play golf like Jack Nicklaus, and now I do.

You're just so mysterious. I hardly know a things about you. The things I know are so unsubstantial, so unsatisfying, like that you eat a chicken sandwich every day at lunch, and you're on the golf team. I guess the one remotely real thing I know about you is you're a good writer, which must mean you have deep reserves of emotion.

You're just so mysterious. I hardly know a thing about you. The things I know are so unsubstantial, so unsatisfying, like that you eat a chicken sandwich every day at lunch, and you're on the golf team. I guess the one remotely real thing I know about you is you're a good writer, which must mean you have deep reserves of emotion.

Personally, I belong to the speedy school of golf. If it were left up to me, I would introduce a new rule that said every golf ball has to stay in motion from the moment it leaves the tee to the moment it plops into the hole, thus obliging each player to run along after his ball and give it another whack before it stops rolling.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Sugar Breeze, my favourite restaurant in Antigua, serves the best local food, while my local golf club, Cedar Valley, is where I always go for a drink.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while, I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using 'an outside agency' and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.