Quotes About Absurdity

I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.'

Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.

Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely

Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.

There is no logic in logics except an illogical logic.

There really isn't much use in getting into a pissing contest since I have to sit down to pee anyway.

First you must find... another shrubbery! (dramatic chord) Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get a two layer effect with a little path running down the middle. ("A path! A path!") Then, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forrest... with... a herring!

'Tis but a scratch' 'A scratch?! Your arm's off!' 'No, it isn't.'

There is a theory which states that if ever for any reason anyone discovers what exactly the Universe is for and why it is here it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another that states that this has already happened.

There is no absurdity so obvious that it cannot be firmly planted in the human head if you only begin to impose it before the age of five, by constantly repeating it with an air of great solemnity.

Why does a person even get up in the morning? You have breakfast, you floss your teeth so you'll have healthy gums in your old age, and then you get in your car and drive down I-10 and die. Life is so stupid I can't stand it.

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

In politics, an absurdity is not a handicap.

CIRCUS, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

How absurd and delicious it is to be in love with somebody younger than yourself. Everybody should try it.

Then Washbourg gave his iphone to Ibi as he walked up to the severed head, grinned, and said "Watch this." Then, he proceeded to kick the severed head 30 yards to his left between two camels and shouted "Goal!

no better than Bellyfluff, Sillystuff, or Starchyruff;

In Naked Lunch, the emperors not only have no clothes, they prance through the pages as simians and purple-assed baboons.

The dignity of man lies in his ability to face reality in all its meaninglessness." .

Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.

a quite novel kind of grammar and logic, according to which what is something is nothing

With such and the like fopperies were petty brains troubled.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?