Quotes About Absurdity

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.

I want no part of this nonsense. This whole city is a butt that farts horror.

I said to John, "You know that if you walked around the world, your hat would travel thirty-one feet farther than your shoes?" John said, "I dunno, Dave, but before we make a bomb I have to shave half the dog." I nodded. He got up, called to Molly and herded her into my bathroom. I wondered when the soy sauce would take effect.

Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis's penis would be larger than your penis." There was a moment of stunned silence, then I heard Jen start laughing so hard I thought she would choke. "Fuck all of you," John retorted. "You don't even exist. We're all just a figment of my cock's imagination.

For a moment, nothing. John was about to supply the "it's not working" when, with a wet, tearing KERRRAAAAACTCH sound, Molly exploded like a meat piñata at a birthday party for very strong, invisible children.

I closed my eyes and let out a breath that smelled like I'd eaten an entire wet dog and washed it down with sweat wrung from a hobo's undershirt.

And so, feeling like men trying to work a jigsaw puzzle blindfolded and using only our butt cheeks to grip the pieces, we left.

And don't put a bunch of bullshit in my mouth, or get cute and try to make me look stupid. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the salon to have my pubic hair straightened and dyed white so that my dick looks like Santa Claus." He closed the door, farting loudly all the way to his car. I went

On his way out he turned and said, "And don't put a bunch of bullshit in my mouth, or get cute and try to make me look stupid. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the salon to have my pubic hair straightened and dyed white so that my dick looks like Santa Claus." He closed the door, farting loudly all the way to his car.

Falconer walked up and said, "I just want to say right now that this is the stupidest shit I've ever been involved in.

She thanked the toilet, but it did not respond. That was good—if she started to think of it as a sentient being, it would probably be much harder to poop in its mouth.

MCWONGALD'S—SHIT LUNCH TURDWOMAN

Give me a defiant poseur over a trendsetter any day. The poseur understands the absurdity of trends

Celebrity is now so common that its inherent absurdity has rendered it inoffensive

Without Intelligent Design there could be no stupidity

Human beings can always be relied upon to exert, with vigor, their God-given right to be stupid.

Humanity is a parade of fools, and I am at the front of it, twirling a baton.

an orange potato trolls the White House. If you didn't wake up screaming, you didn't wake up...

In a world of insanity, nothing is sacred. It's an insane world, nothing is sacred.

To be logical is very illogical.

It's incredible how much intelligence is used in this world to prove nonsense.

Military intelligence is a meaningless phrase because the two words are mutually exclusive.

Military intelligence, two words combined that cant make sense

That's through intelligence, not through ignorance, believe me. Because some of the things that they're asking you to do [in the Army] and be politically correct about are ridiculous.