Quotes About Expectation

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

If you want to talk to me after the show, I'd be surprised.

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.

Humor does depend on surprise, and the things that people remember as the funniest things in the world, you look at later and you go, "What? What was that all about?"

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

You know, in the suburbs, most people believe in gravity, but they don't have much of a sense of humor.

There's always a bit of suspense about the particular way in which a given school year will get off to a bad start.

Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.

I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say "tomatoes", then I realized he like cherries just. That joke is ridiculous.

What gets me is, I waited in line for an hour to do this. I could have experienced essentially the same level of enjoyment merely by sticking my finger down my throat.

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

People don't expect me to have a weird sense of humor, but I do. I'm very eccentric.

Atty's eyes rested on Darby with all the subtlety of a dog watching his food bowl being filled!

Could I have a Sloe Gin Fizz, without the gin?""What's the point of that, Miss?" the waiter said."Tomorrow morning, " Mabel said.

Well, the only reason we're friends is because you can rock a tweed suit, " she informed, tone mock serious. "So if you want to keep me around, I expect more tweed.

Is this the reality you wanted?

What'd you think would happen when you died? That the prophecy would just be over and we'd all be like, oops, guess we got that one wrong?

Wait." Stefan's voice was hard suddenly. Bonnie and Elena turned back and froze, embracing each other, trembling. "What is your—your father—going to do to you when he finds out that you allowed th

Assuming what people want is about as controlled as using fireworks to start a fire.

Expect stupid. It's everywhere.

Anticipation tingled in my stomach: the kind of tingle that at first you don't know if it's a good tingle or a bad tingle – just a tingle.

(About a cookbook...)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.