Quotes About Reflection

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Too many people, when they get old, think that they have to live by the calendar.

Check thyself before thy wreck thyself.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

A good heavy book holds you down. It's an anchor that keeps you from getting up and having another gin and tonic.

Everybody likes to have a place to think, to meditate, to eat a burrito.

Being born with a pair of beady eyes was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I never learned anything from a match that I won.

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, And never brought to min?

My dad used to say to me, 'You look more like me than I do.'

On second thought, I think I am more crazy than my goat.

The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.

The older I get, the faster I was.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

Analysing comedy is like dissecting a frog. Nobody laughs and the frog dies.

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.

Whenever you observe an animal closely, you feel as if a human being sitting inside were making fun of you.

I wish I had a funny story.

If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve

I don't really necessarily think I'm a funny guy, but I like the opportunity to take on something that I don't feel I'm the best at doing.

I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking up in my car driving ninety.

One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closest friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one.