Quotes About Carl Hiaasen

As far as I'm concerned, the gator that ate T.C. deserves a medal from Crime Stoppers.

Humor can be an incredible lacerating and effective weapon. And that is the way I use it.

Disney's something to be a little alarmed about. It's not just a little theme park anymore. It's now an ethic and outlook and strategy that goes way beyond central Florida.

It's easy to get distracted by the vaudevillian aspects of the healthcare debate.

When you're given a newspaper column, you're not being paid to sit on a fence and scratch your chin and say 'On the one hand this' and 'On the other hand that.' You're getting paid for your opinion.

From the pancake house I drive directly to the county morgue. The contrast is not especially striking.

In a place like South Florida, such heart-bound faith in the justice system could best be described as quaint.

Wiley's behavior had lately become so odd that younger reporters who once sought his counsel were now fearful of his ravings, and they avoided him.

Officer Delinko thought the bald man must have a good sense of humor to go by such a nickname, but he was wrong. Curly was cranky and unsmiling.

I took all your columns from the last four months," Mulcahy said, "and I gave them to Dr. Courtney, the psychiatrist. " "Jesus! He's a wacko, Cab. The guy has a thing for animals. I've heard this from seven or eight sources. Ducks and geese, stuff like that.

I wouldn't trust the guy alone with my bowling ball, that's what a horndog he is.

cell phone the night he died. She'd obtained this key information

also want you to go to an internist. Courtney says the mental degeneration has occurred so rapidly that it could be pathological. A tumor or something.

all the way back to the marina the three of them sat on the luggage to keep the dead midget inside.

His arctic nod suggested that he'd rather be waxing his nut sack than trailing Fay Alex around.

had begun to drizzle, so they relocated to a latticed gazebo used for waterfront weddings and the occasional renegade bris.

I don't care if you pack it in fucking kryptonite, that lottery ticket ain't going up your ass.

I thought this was supposed to be a class neighborhood, what they call upscale. Hell, I live in a trailer park, and I wouldn't let my dogs take a leak on somebody's personal vee-hicle.

private investigator. Which he actually was. So the turtle-eyed sergeant ignored him.

Stoat asked, 'Are you a manhunter?' 'More like a shit-scraper,' the visitor replied. 'And I'm starting with you.

As he was pulled underwater for the final time, terror gave way to abject humiliation: he was being fucked to death by a damn fish.

Merry whistled. "This parallel universe of yours, Andrew, I love it.

Yancy asked to see the credit card receipt for their meal. It was signed by Lane Coolman, Buck Nance's agent/manager/ass-wiper.

Humor can be an incredible lacerating and effective weapon. And that is the way I use it.