Quotes About Jokes

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.

Cougar jokes are now as hackneyed as airplane food.

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.

Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on thee and I'll forgive thy great big one on me.

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. And that's really it. You know, if I really wanted to enact social change I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

Family jokes, through rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law, it's a joke!

My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it. I never did like to work, and I don't deny it. I'd rather read, tell stories, crack jokes, talk, laugh - anything but work.

For every ten jokes, thou hast got a hundred enemies

My mom always complains about my lack of a boyfriend. Well, next time she asks, I'm going to tell her I'm dating two different guys...Mr. Duracell and Mr. Energizer.

Even the gods love jokes. —Plato

Clever wordplay engenders grudging appreciation in your peers, but surprise wordplay gives birth to laughter. We smile at wit. We laugh at jokes.

Milton Berle and Bob Hope each had a vault containing more than six million jokes on index cards sorted by topic. The

I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

We have always had gross humor. But we try for funny, not gross.

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

But with comedy it's a simple premise. If it's funny, people laugh. If it's not, they don't.

I wanted to be funny. And I'm always acknowledged for my pranks and jokes nowadays.