Quotes About Shame

But the feeling of scarcity does thrive in shame-prone cultures that are deeply steeped in comparison and fractured by disengagement.

Yes, there can be no innovation, learning, or creativity without failure. But failing is painful. It fuels the "shouldas and couldas," which means judgment and shame are often lying in wait.

Shame enters for those of us who experience anxiety because not only are we feeling fearful, out of control, and incapable of managing our increasingly demanding lives, but eventually our anxiety is compounded and made unbearable by our belief that if we were just smarter, stronger, or better, we'd be able to handle everything

And they all share the same formula of shame, comparison, and disengagement. Scarcity bubbles up from these conditions and perpetuates them until a critical mass of people start making different choices and reshaping the smaller cultures they belong to.

When we stop caring about what people think, we lose our capacity for connection. When we become defined by what people think, we lose our willingness to be vulnerable. If we dismiss all the criticism, we lose out on important feedback, but if we subject ourselves to the hatefulness, our spirits get crushed. It's a tightrope, shame resilience is the balance bar, and the safety net below is the one or two people in our lives who can help us reality-check the criticism and cynicism. I

Researchers Tamara Ferguson, Heidi Eyre, and Michael Ashbaker have found that "unwanted identity" is one of the primary elicitors of shame. They explain that unwanted identities are characteristics that undermine our vision of our ideal selves.

kindness, and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them—we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed, and rare.

The research taught me that the best place to start is with defining, recognizing, and understanding vulnerability.

If we want to reignite innovation and passion, we have to rehumanize work. When shame becomes a management style, engagement dies. When failure is not an option we can forget about learning, creativity, and innovation. When

denial of emotion is what feeds the dark.

If men and women are going to find their ways back to each other, and back to a relationship where we're allowed to be less than perfect and allowed to be vulnerable and afraid, we have to understand shame.

The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives.

we're a social species. That's why connection matters. It's why shame is so painful and debilitating. It's why we're wired for belonging.

if you want to see the ego go to DEFCON 1, get anywhere close to shame. What makes embracing vulnerability feel the most terrifying is how taking off the armor and exposing our hearts can open us up to experiencing shame. Our egos are willing to keep our hearts encased in armor, no matter the cost, if we can avoid feeling "less than" or unworthy of love and belonging.

The difference between shame and guilt lies in the way we talk to ourselves. Shame is a focus on self, while guilt is a focus on behavior.

think of it as the audacity of authenticity. Most of us have shame triggers around being perceived as self-indulgent or self-focused.

There are people who consciously practice being authentic, there are people who don't, and there are the rest of us who are authentic on some days and not so authentic on other days. Trust me, even though I know plenty about authenticity and it's something I work toward, if I am full of self-doubt or shame, I can sell myself out and be anybody you need me to be.

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them—we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame,

There's a quote that literally cracked open my heart.

In Jungian circles, shame is often referred to as the swampland of the soul.

When we share vulnerability, especially shame stories, with someone with whom there is no connectivity, their emotional (and sometimes physical) response is often to wince, as if we have shone a floodlight in their eyes. Instead of a strand of delicate lights, our shared vulnerability is blinding, harsh, and unbearable. If we are on the receiving end, our hands fly up and cover our faces, we squeeze our entire faces (not just our eyes) shut, and we look away.

If you're wondering what happens if you attach your self-worth to your art or your product and people love it, let me answer that from personal and professional experience. You're in even deeper trouble. Everything shame needs to hijack and control your life is in place. You've handed over your self-worth to what people think.

Who do you become when you're backed into that shame corner? How do you protect yourself? Who do you call to work through the mean-nasties or the cry-n-hides or the people-pleasing? What's the most courageous thing you could do for yourself when you feel small and hurt?