Quotes About Observation

Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, "Attack!" And he has one. All he does is piddle. He's nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.

You don't realize how easy this game is until you get up in that broadcasting booth.

I don't try to be funny. It's just that I feel the world is a little bit absurd and off-kilter and I'm sort of reporting.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!"

I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

Where are the dogs going? you people who pay so little attention ask. They are going about their business. And they are very punctilious, without wallets, notes, and without briefcases.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

The more I see of man, the more I like dogs.

When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn't get out, something is seriously wrong.

Comedy is an ability to observe and see what's funny in a situation and be able to forget yourself enough to do it.

I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.

Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains, at the huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and yet they pass by themselves without wondering.

Many people don't see what's obvious.

To become a spectator of one's own life is to escape the suffering of life.

It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them. Thus you remember them as they actually are, while in a motor car only a high hill impresses you, and you have no such accurate remembrance of country you have driven through as you gain by riding a bicycle.

That awkward moment when you get caught staring at your crush...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse

Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window. If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.