Quotes About Observation

Why do women live longer than men? Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bills does.

Most jokes state a bitter truth.

The child had his mother's eyes, his mother's nose, and his mother's mouth. Which leaves his mother with a pretty blank expression.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Science is simply common sense at its best - that is, rigidly accurate in observation, and merciless to fallacy in logic

Science adjusts its views based on what's observed. Faith is the denial of observation, so that belief can be preserved.

Teachers support evaluations based on multiple measures: student growth, classroom observation and feedback from peers and parents.

We learned to be patient observers like the owl. We learned cleverness from the crow, and courage from the jay, who will attack an owl ten times its size to drive it off its territory. But above all of them ranked the chickadee because of its indomitable spirit.

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go."

I spy with my little eye...bi...es everywhere who are bored with their lives and love to spread lies.

Wal-Mart: The only place on earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life what not to wear episode...

The world is full of idiots that is the best way to explain intelligence.

A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.

In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats.

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, "What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!"

I have discovered in 20 years of moving around a ballpark, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats.

Ou don't realize how easy this game is until you get up in that broadcasting booth.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

One can always tell it's summer when one sees school teachers hanging about the streets idly, looking like cannibals during a shortage of missionaries.

Yes, I am thoroughly enjoying retirement! The best part is observing my neighbors drive off to work in the morning knowing that that their day will be filled with jerks, brainless and endless meetings, jerks, vendor lunches where you hold your breath just waiting for the sales pitch until you regurgitate your pasta, more jerks and the eventual company reorganization of the section that was just reorganized last month!