Quotes About Observation

Even as a kid I was never the generator of humor, but I always knew who was funny, who to hang out with.

I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.

My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I'll tell you ladies: it's amazing.

If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.

It was funny that you know someone for years but still discover something you never noticed before.

I can see none of you are smugglers; that's why it's so loud.

There is a number missing. I can see it.

Don't think you are looking at me because you are not.

I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."

Living in England, provincial England, must be like being married to a stupid but exquisitely beautiful wife.

I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow anything. Hey, how about some celery? Plus, if I tore your legs off, you would look like snowmen.

The whole world is watching America, and America is watching TV.

If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!

It's funny, I write lyrics in a bizarre way - I'm always writing lyrics, mostly when we're traveling or walking around New York, that's when I'm writing most of the stuff.

I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.

Sometimes I think what I write is funny in its quiet way.

Comics write to their point of view. If you're an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you've got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.

Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.

You look like a horse in a man costume

Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.

You know the Dutch, they're always a bit funny... some of them.

When I see something, I know why something's funny or seems to be funny. But in the end it's just another picture as far as I'm concerned.

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.