Quotes About Observation

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.

I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".

I think it's interesting that cologne rhymes with alone.

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you're one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

A closed mouth catches no flies.

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?

Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he's in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is that it occasionally gets warmer.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.

This is a free country, madam. We have a right to share your privacy in a public place.