Quotes About Celebration

My friend Myron tells me, 'Last year on Mother's Day the whole family got together for a big dinner and afterward, when Mom started to clean up, I said to her, 'Don't bother with those dishes, Mom. Today is Mother's Day, you can always do them tomorrow.'

I also hate those holidays that fall on a Monday where you don't get mail, those fake holidays like Columbus Day. What did Christopher Columbus do, discover America? If he hadn't, somebody else would have and we'd still be here. Big deal.

On Christmas day you can't get sore, Your fellow man you must adore, There's time to cheat him all the more The other three hundred and sixty-four

Beer is good food

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

Christmas: The only time of the year in which one can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.

When life gives you lemons, find someone who has vodka and throw a party.

February 13 should be international condom day.

All I want for my birthday is another birthday.

I carried my Oscar to bed with me. My first and only three-way happened that night.

Going to Coachella tomorrow; I heard Tupac might stagedive.

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.

I have a dream, and a plan, to combine the commercial possibilities of Valentine's Day with the substance and meaning of black history month. I call it: Blackentine's Day.

Thanksgiving is Americas national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.

If you think Independence Day is Americas defining holiday, think again. Thanksgiving deserves that title, hands-down.

Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England.

No One Diets on Thanksgiving. What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.

Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ

There has been only one Christmas the rest are anniversaries.

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the spirits of things.