Quotes About Empathy

The only thing that helps me get less angry is when my husband says to me, "I know you are scared, not angry" and gives me a

Almost universally, non-BPs say they feel manipulated by the BPs in their lives. If the non-BP doesn't do what the BP wants them to do, the BP may threaten

didn't cause it. I can't control it. I can't cure it. get off the BP's back. get out of the BP's way. get on with your own life.

When you set and observe personal limits, you are also benefiting the person in your life with BPD. In fact, when you let the BP violate your boundaries, or do not set any for him or her, you may be making the situation worse.

Don't counterattack. You may strike back at the person with BPD to try to win the argument or vent your feelings. But when you do this, you'll fall into the projection and projective identification trap that the person with BPD has unconsciously set for you.

Remember, your loved one's behavior is not about you. You may feel controlled or taken advantage of through threats, no-win situations, the silent treatment, rages, and other methods that seem unfair. But, no matter what the person with BPD may say, everything that's going on stems not from you, but from the disorder, and the deep pain your loved one feels inside.

However, if the therapist takes everything the person with BPD says at face value without probing further—and this is not uncommon—the therapist may inadvertently reinforce their twisted thinking, making things worse.

Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook)

People with BPD need their friends and family members to be stable and clear—not to reject them and not to smother them. They need you to let them take care of themselves and to not do things for them that they can do for themselves. The best way to do this and help them is by working on yourself.

Do not disparage the BP—no matter how much you think he or she deserves it. Instead, sincerely express your concern for the BP or acknowledge your own confusion about why the BP would say such things. Be cautious about discussing BPD or any other psychological problem—people may misunderstand and think you are trying to belittle the BP.

This lack of empathy is a central hallmark of NPD in the same way that a fear of abandonment is central to BPD. Do not expect someone with NPD to listen to, commiserate with, or emotionally support you, whether in a crisis or in an ordinary conversation. This lack of empathy feels deeply foreign to most of us.

This lack of empathy also means that someone with NPD has no capacity for intimacy. This is a hard message to take in, we know. But we encourage you to become honest about what's not beneath your loved one's veneer of superiority.

they do have a personality disorder, you can't expect them to act like a healthy, well-adjusted person. That sets them up for failure—and it sets you up for disappointment

Narcissists do not consider the pain they inflict on others; nor do they give any credence to others' perceptions. They simply do not care about thoughts and feelings that conflict with their own. Do not expect them to listen to, validate, understand, or support you. —Les Parker, PhD

When I was a kid, "selfish" was an insult in my home. It was something only "bad" people indulged in. But I learned that it was only when I started taking care of myself that I was really able to care for others.

Heldmann believes that things that get in the way of listening include preoccupation with your own point, distracting thoughts, deciding that you already know what the other person is going to say, and twisting the speaker's message to fit your expectations.

But it is our job to state our thoughts and feelings clearly and to make responsible decisions that are congruent with our values and beliefs. It is not our job to make another person think and feel the way we do or the way we want them to.

People with BPD feel all emotions intensely, not just anger.

It's useless to debate whether you "should" feel angry, because the fact is that you do. It's your job to tell Sue how you feel. It's Sue's job to tell you how she feels. You don't have to—nor should you—feel it necessary to convince Sue that your way of thinking is best. Instead, you simply need to protect yourself in the future now that you know Sue's attitude about tardiness.

The holy grail of the life of someone with BPD is to find that caring, compassionate person who will magically fill their empty insides, take care of them and their needs, and never leave them feeling alone again.

Pay attention to the person's words, body language, expressions, and tone of voice. This will help you validate the person's feelings. People with BPD are not always in touch with their own emotions, and by listening closely you may be able to hear beyond the words and detect the feelings that lie beneath the surface. In

Listen to the children nonjudgmentally. Help them trust their own perceptions.

Separate your feelings from those of the person with BPD. Earlier in this book, we explained that people with BPD often use projection to try to get others to feel their feelings for them. You may need to keep checking yourself to determine whose feelings are whose. If you start to feel helpless or angry, is it because the other person is projecting his or her own helplessness or anger onto you?

Your feelings need to be validated just as much as those of the person with BPD.