Quotes from Robert Rankin

Calm down please, sir, if you will,' said the bobby, still retaining a firm hold upon the horse's reins. ' "Stolen" is such an ugly word. It is not technically stealing if you are a British archaeologist and you acquire items of historical significance in the savage realms and liberate them to civilisation.

All right,' said Pooley, 'as panic is clearly ill-received hereabouts, what do we do?

What it all comes down to, as it so often does, is the very beginning of the universe. This, say the big-heads of the scientific fraternity, all began with a big bang. Wrong! The universe, in fact, began with the sound of a duck call, followed by a whistle and an enormous cosmic wind-break. Had anyone been around at the time to overhear these sounds, they would probably have received a pretty good indication of what God had up his sleeve, amongst other places.

There was a lot of joy to be had in the contemplation of a pint glass; in terms of plain reality of course, there was a deal more to be had in the draining of one.

Pooley rose to investigate but the Professor restrained him with a firm and unyielding hand. Jim marvelled at the ancient's newly acquired strength. 'Do not look, Jim,' the Professor said dramatically, 'you would not care for what you saw.

And the city itself.' John was not done yet. 'Where have we seen that before? No? Well, I'll tell you it's Ankh Mor—

Will you gentlemen take breakfast with me?' asked the Professor. There is little need to record the answer to that particular question.

Jamadars and bheesties,' said the helmsman. 'Not to mention the major-domos, lordly lamplighters and twisted firestarters.' 'Twisted firestarters?' enquired the detective. 'I told you not to mention them.

The Professor shook his head. 'On the contrary, my motives are most simple, to advance science and to combat evil.

He could probably have persuaded even Cerberus to leave his post and go off in search of a few dog biscuits.

Who was there to guide them? The words of self-obsessed politicians, egotistical media personalities, power-crazed newspaper magnates and half-mad clerics? Who could reason sensibly when supplied with all the wrong information for all the wrong reasons?

Pooley the realist pooh-poohed such notions, but Pooley the mystic, dreamer and romantic sensed the aura of pagan mystery which surrounded the crop-headed man.

Neville flexed his nostrils, he didn't like the smell of this. The young man was clearly a monomaniac

It was a sight to make Zane Grey reach for his ballpoint, or Sergio Leone send out for another fifty foot of standard eight.

Pooley hunched closer to his pint. 'A pox on it all,' said he. 'The Swan packed full of these idiots, old Soap flushed away round the proverbial S-bend and Cowboy Night looming up before us with about as much promise as the coming of Ragnorok!

I hope you grow up to be as good a mother as your father

The rain lashed down upon Brentford and Pope Alexander VI raised his massive arm and pointed towards Archroy and the young priest. 'You, I will make an example of,' he roared. 'You will know the exquisite agonies of lingering death.' Archroy thumbed his nose. 'Balls,' said he.

EBooks, is it. Or as a wise man once said, "bringing the otherwise unpublishable to the mostly illiterate".

What's that, Barry?' 'Nothing, chief!

The Ape of Thoth was a popular pub. A music pub. All kinds of bands had played there. Some had become quite famous since. The Who once played there, and Manfred Mann. Of course that is going back a bit. The Lost T-Shirts of Atlantis never played there, nor did Sonic Energy Authority, or The Men That Will Not Be Blamed For Nothing, but you can't have everything.

apotheosis. I

Rio would be your man,' said John. 'Dusky maidens rolling green cigars upon their bronzed thighs. A train-robber chum of mine has his lodgings thereabouts. The climate so they say is ideal for the professional drinking man or the unemployed war criminal.

A nursery rhyme character...they don't like that term. They prefer "Preadolescent Poetic Personalities".

admit that I only know what I read in the newspapers or see on the television. But that is the only information most of us have to go on. If it is incorrect or biased or even downright lies, how can we be expected to know?