Quotes from Sholem Aleichem

And lawyers are just like doctors. Whatever one says, the other says just the opposite. But they all take money and give advice. Each of them, different advice.

Words were made only for babblers, women, and lawyers. Like Bismarck once said: "Words were given to us to hide our thoughts.

We literally lawyered our heads off. Morning, noon, and night all we heard was lawyer, lawyer, lawyer.

When you get down to it, isn't the truth better than alibis, flim-flam, or makeshift excuses?

A bank hates to rush —it takes its time.

If looks could kill—there would have been wholesale murder that day.

I never turn down a drink. Among friend's it's always appropriate. A man is only a man as they say but brandy is still brandy. You'll find that in the Talmud too.

I can't stand looking at those nasty, smiling, yes-men. They'll say yes to an August snowstorm and agree to fish growing on a cherry tree. If I run into someone like that, I just want to smear honey all over him and let the bees have a picnic.

I just want you to listen to what I have to say, for not every doctor likes to listen to his patients.

First of all, I'm over sixty. And second of all, I'm the sort of fellow to whom life and death are the same.