Quotes from Tedd Tripp

Give your children big truths they will grow into rather than light explanations they will grow out of.

It is our task to faithfully teach our children the ways of God.

It is the Holy Spirit's task to work through the Word of God to change their hearts.

The central focus of childrearing is to bring children to a sober assessment of themselves as sinners.

you may never use your children to promote your convictions. The purpose of discipline is not evangelism. The purpose of discipline is to shepherd your children.

Mr. and Mrs. Everett had a rebellious 15-year-old son. They could see that they had made many mistakes in childrearing. Their mistakes, however, blinded them to his needs. When they saw their son, they saw their failures. As a result, they never saw him as a boy who was choosing to sin. They failed to see that he was choosing not to believe and obey God. They had not been perfect parents, it was true. Their son, however, had not been a good son. That part was true too.

It should be our habit to say "Yes" to a request unless there are good reasons to say "No". It is easy to say "No" because we do not want to think through the implications of saying "Yes.

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Let me overview a biblical vision for the parenting task. The parenting task is multifaceted. It involves being a kind authority, shepherding your children to understand themselves in God's world, and keeping the gospel in clear view so your children can internalize the good news and someday live in mutuality with you as people under God.

You may not direct your children for your own agenda or convenience. You must direct your children on God's behalf for their good.

These gurus promise to teach you how to build self-esteem in your children. Have you noticed that no books promise to help produce children who esteem others?

You only muddy the waters when the bottom line in discipline is your displeasure over their behavior, rather than God's displeasure with rebellion against his ordained authority.

My observation after thirty-five years of school administration, parenting, pastoral work, and counseling is that children generally do not resist authority that is truly kind and selfless.

If you correct and discipline your children because God mandates it, then you need not clutter up the task with your anger. Correction is not displaying your anger at their offenses; it is rather reminding them that their sinful behavior offends God. It is bringing his censure of sin to these subjects of his realm. He is the King. They must obey.

please someone else.

It is possible to be well-educated and still not understand life. 

This non-biblical counsel drives children away from the cross. It doesn't take grace from God to ignore the oppressor. It doesn't take supernatural grace to stand up for your rights. To do good to oppressors, however, to pray for those who mistreat you, to entrust yourself to the just Judge, requires a child to come face-to-face with the poverty of his own spirit and his need of the transforming power of the gospel.

He interacts according to the nature of the covenantal choices he is making. Either he responds to the goodness and mercy of God in faith or he responds in unbelief. Either he grows to love and trust the living God, or he turns more fully to various forms of idolatry and self-reliance. The story is not just the nature of the shaping influences of his life, but how he has responded to God in the context of those shaping influences.

The person your child becomes is a product of two things. The first is his life experience. The second is how he interacts with that experience.

I have prepared oatmeal for your breakfast. It is a good, nutritious food and I want you to eat it. Maybe other mornings we will have something you like better." Many are saying, "What do you want for breakfast? You don't want the oatmeal I have prepared; would you like something else?" This sounds very nice and enlightened, but what is really happening? The child is learning that he is the decision maker. The parent only suggests the options.

In short, you must learn to engage them, not just reprove them. Help them see the ways that they are trying to slake their souls' thirst with that which cannot satisfy. You must help your kids gain a clear focus on the cross of Christ.

Shaping ideas requires long-term interaction with long-range goals and 100 percent saturation.

Biblical laws and standards sound oppressive and restrictive in our lawless, arrogant twenty-first century culture. But the psalmists rhapsodize about the law of God as sweet, precious, life-giving, wise, pure, enlightening, liberating and good. In our homes, we follow the absolutes and principles of Scripture and apply them to the "stuff" of family life. The church supports our love of the law of God as satisfying and necessary for an edifying and productive life.

If you want your children to have a reason to sing on Sunday, give them a glorious God. If you want your children to have a reason not to sin on Monday, give them a glorious God.