Quotes from Helene Lerner

Life is too short not to be happy. So make the most of simple moments. Appreciate kindness. Let go of negativity and people who bring you down.

The lines between being assertive or being aggressive, taking charge or being overly ambitious, and being nice or being ineffective are so blurred (by both sexes) that hitting the right note can feel impossible. In

Leadership presence involves humility. As Andrea Zintz, career coach and president of Strategic Leadership Resources, clarifies, humility is not about diminishing your stature but rather involves benevolence, consideration,

generosity, and graciousness. By keeping humility in mind, you rise above the challenges to build trust.

Lessons in Leadership: My Rules to Live By© • Be true to yourself • Do the right thing • Remember that actions speak louder than words • Put first things first • Just do it

Don't forget that there's no I in team • Never underestimate the power of mentors, networks, and sponsors • Embrace lifelong learning • Follow the Golden Rule • Leave a legacy

When you have some distance from the incident, a next step might be to pitch your idea again down the road to your boss or to another manager. Brainstorm with a trusted colleague on how you might go about doing that. After you process the upset, move on.

and disrespects me" had inhibited their confidence. Neerja Bhatia, executive coach and founder of Rhythm of Success, advises us to stop identifying with the stressful judgments from our past. If we don't, what has happened will block us from getting what we want.

the internal review at Hewlett-Packard a few years back that showed women within the company applied for open jobs only if they met 100 percent of the criteria listed; men, on the other hand, felt they needed to meet 60 percent of the requirements.3

Confidence spark When interviewing for an ambitious assignment, make a list of the skills you have, the skills you need to learn, and the tasks that can be delegated. Now address your fear of not being able to handle the situation, and see the truth as it is. You have several skills, and you can learn or delegate the rest. Breaking down the job into its various parts may also help. What daily tasks can you do right now? Which ones will you assign to someone else?

The most charismatic leaders don't seem to be as concerned with the material they're presenting as they are with getting to know their audiences.

One of my guideposts is that it's often a mistake to try too hard too early," Kathy shared. "So I sit back for a time, learn about the culture and what value I can provide, and watch things develop. I think that served me well with Europeans because I'm not perceived as self-promoting or too aggressive (the ugly American). People play into that stereotype because they try to impress too quickly.

But the only way to lessen the fear is to get out and speak.

And the more you do, the better you'll get.

Changing the conversation in the room was more important than playing it safe.

envisioning a positive outcome has helped her speak with presence. For her first staff meeting at her former position as publisher of People en Español, Jackie envisioned herself passionately speaking to the group. An image of a successful meeting primed her to make it happen.

Confidence spark Set aside some time to write about a work issue that has been bothering you but hasn't been addressed. Get clarity as to what's really going on. Who is involved? Why are you upset? Do you have a concern about speaking up? Does this remind you of a similar situation from your past? Share your observations with a supportive friend and get some feedback. Agree to

benchmark with your friend (or someone else) as you take steps toward resolving the problem.

Speaking Circles International, is the transformational speaking coach who worked with me. He underscored the importance of listening to your audience before, during, and after you speak in order to create nonverbal connections.

learned from him that the spark between audience and speaker is ignited as you give the audience your full attention. He also advised me that it's okay to feel your fear but remember that most people want you to succeed.

I take a few deep breaths before I begin to speak, and I listen to the sounds in the room—this gets me focused and really present with my audience.

I have practiced risk taking throughout my career because I believe what I can contribute is important. That isn't to say that I don't feel nervous. I have come to accept that trying something new involves discomfort—and taking risks gets easier with practice. I also have reached out for support. My risk-taking ventures haven't always succeeded, but enough of them did. And even when my efforts did not work out, I learned something valuable from trying

Confidence spark If public speaking is a great fear of yours, try practicing first with a few people you are comfortable with, people who you know will be an encouraging audience. Allow for nervousness, but focus on your listeners and their supportive presence. Take a few deep breaths and share something personal that's meaningful for you. Authenticity and vulnerability help create a connection with your audience. A few sessions with a coach might be helpful if you feel the need.

Executive coach Alan Allard told me, "Listening shows respect, even if you don't agree with what the person is saying.