Quotes from Bert Kreischer

I say off-the-wall things to get a response.

I like parties. I like talking and conversations.

I love partying and I love laughing.

You don't go to a school and major in partying.

Don't hole up in your apartment and just write jokes, be a real human being and develop your own voice. Then you will be undeniable.

Men scream, that's why they gave us voices.

The first and last song I ever wrote was a ballad I was quite proud of, and one I would play for anyone, anywhere.

Part of my personality is I like to have a good time and I'm an extrovert, and extroverts, they blossom as meathead frat boys and extroverts get labeled as meathead frat boys. For me, it's just part of my personality.

I was in an ESPN interview and was asked, 'Who would I most want to ride a roller coaster with?' and I said Warren Sapp because every time he giggles, you can hear there's a little girl inside of him. I called him a little girl, and he found me on Twitter and was like, 'Are you the Bert who called me a little girl?' I was like, 'Oh, great!'

I run into guys all the time that say, 'Me and my three buddies started fat shaming each other and we collectively lost 130 pounds.'

I think I've got the coolest friends in the entire world, I really do.

I get this weird energy that starts in my feet and goes up and fills my head, and I just want to get everyone in the crowd to laugh.

Here's the weird thing about me. I was never one to tell you stories about me. I was always the guy who others told stories about. I was like that up until I was 35 years old. And then I started telling stories about me onstage.

My first stand-up experience was in Tallahassee at a club called Potbelly's.

I'm not technically brand-friendly to feminists.

I read some older books when I worked at Barnes And Noble, like some of the American classics. I read a lot of Hemingway. I fell in love with Hemingway's prose and with the way he wrote. I feel like he's talking to me, like we're in a bar and he's not trying to jazz it up and sound smart, he's just being him.

My whole life I've wanted to be famous.

If there's an adrenaline rush, I will find it; if there's an anxiety attack, I will have it.

I grew up Catholic and still feel a lot of Catholic guilt. But my wife is not religious so we're not raising our daughters religiously.

My favorite thing to do is just hang out at home and watch a movie with my wife and my two daughters. There's nothing outrageous about that but it's the best thing I can do.

Some of the most fun I've ever had has been filming 'Bert the Conqueror.' As a stand-up comedian, I love putting this humorous spin on travel, and I get the added bonus of using all these wild adventures in my act.

I really respect those guys that get $250,000 for punching up scripts, because it's an art form.

There is nothing that I'm more compelled to do than get up in front of a crowd and make people laugh.

I know the one thing that will reset my button is getting up and running a fast mile.