Quotes from Chuck Palahniuk

Every time the plane banked sharply on takeoff or landing, I prayed for a crash, or mid air collision, anything. Life insurance pays triple when you die on a business trip.

You know, the condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip it on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night, then you throw it away. The condom, I mean. Not thestranger.

Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor. But … every once in a while [looks around, leans in conspiratorially] … it's a dildo. [leans back] Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, a dildo, never … your dildo.

Todas queremos ser yo, yo, yo la primera. La asesina, la víctima, la testigo, todas pensamos que nuestro papel es el protagonista.

No se nos podía ocurrir nada que no estuviera haciendo ya un millon de personas.

I'd like to see more stand-up routines venture into depicting tragedy. It's conventional to give people a humorous cathartic release; now I'd love to hear stand-up tragedy that would reduce the audience to exhausted tears.

Neptej se, jestli se mi poÃ…â"¢ád stýská po rodi?ích. Neptej se mÄ›, jestli jeÅ¡tÄ› bre?ím steskem po domovÄ›. SamozÃ…â"¢ejmÄ› že mrtvým se po živých stýská.

Onlar? köleleÅŸtirerek, bu insanlara özgürlüÄŸün ne demek olduÄŸunu göstermek zorunday?z. Onlar? korkutarak, cesaretin ne olduÄŸunu göstermek zorunday?z.

Kdy doÅ¡lo k tomu, že budoucnost pÃ…â"¢estala být pÃ…â"¢íslibem a stala se hrozbou?

Like splicing single frames of pornography into family films.

How what looks cool later on always looks crazy at first. "If numbers could explain the physical world, words would explain the invisible one.

The three ways to make napalm: One, you can mix equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate. Two, you can mix equal parts of gasoline and diet cola. Three, you can dissolve crumbled cat litter in gasoline until the mixture is thick.

If I can't be a great doctor saving hundreds of patients, this way I'm a great patient creating hundreds of would-be doctors.

If you can wake up in a different place. If you can wake up in a different time. Why can't you wake up as a different person? Every

Me he pasado la vida atacándolo todo porque me daba demasiado miedo arriesgarme a crear algo... Nunca nada estaba bien —dice mi madre—, o sea que al final de mi vida no me queda nada.

The single-breasted cut is symmetrical except for the hole pumping out blood.

Crying is right at hand in the smothering dark, closed inside someone else, when you see how everything you can ever accomplish will end up as trash. Anything you're ever proud of will be thrown away. And I'm lost inside. This is as close as I've been to sleeping in almost a week.

Porque después de haber cruzado ciertas líneas ya nunca dejas de cruzarlas.

She wanted a choice beyond: Housewife versus lawyer.

If you're not on your way to becoming a veterinarian in six weeks, you will be dead.

That's why I do all this. Go to all this trouble. To showcase just one brave stranger. To save just one more person from boredom. It's not just for the money. It's not just for the adoration. But neither one hurts.

Afterword) Years [after the book became a success], a young man pulled me aside before a book event. He said he loved how in Fight Club I wrote about waiters tainting food. He asked me to sign a book and said he worked in a five-star restaurant where they monkey with celebrities' food all the time. "Margaret Thatcher," he said, "has eaten my sperm." He held up one hand, fingers spread, and said, "At least five times.

As the French would say: Who doesn't like getting their butt sucked?

Even the garden of Eden was just a big fancy cage...You'll be a slave the rest of your life unless you bite the apple.